ROSE HILL, KAN. Book tells of couple's captivity by Filipino rebels

The former prisoner held by terrorists is rebounding.
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
ROSE HILL, Kan. -- The simplest things whisk Gracia Burnham back to the jungle.
Most recently, it was picking up her daughter Mindy's backpack.
She felt the weight on her shoulder and, suddenly, she was back -- back in the humidity, lugging her backpack up a mountain, her armed captors ordering "Faster! Faster!"
Just as quickly, she comes home.
"I told myself, 'You don't have to carry this up a mountain, you have to carry it to the car,"' Gracia said. "Bad things can happen here during the day, but I'm just so happy because I'm not back there."
At the end of 376 days of captivity by terrorists linked to Al-Qaida, her husband, Martin Burnham, was shot to death during her rescue and she was wounded in the leg. After 11 months of mostly silence, she's telling their story in the book "In the Presence of My Enemies."
Since her ordeal, she has reveled in the simple pleasures of mothering Jeff, 16, Mindy, 13, and Zach, 12.
"Going to their football games. Eating dinner together. I'm so grateful for the chance to do these things."
Telling their story
Gracia knew she wanted to tell Martin's story. But she promised herself that she'd tell it well. So she got a tape recorder and starting talking.
She began with their abduction May 27, 2001, by the Muslim rebel group Abu Sayyaf from the Philippines resort where they celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary.
She talked about walking at gunpoint through the jungle. Rarely bathing. Going days without food. Filipino soldiers firing aimlessly at both captors and hostages as they pursued the terrorists through the mountains. She filled almost 40 tapes.
She misses her husband every day, she says. But she's comforted by memories, late in their captivity, after she and Martin concluded that they would not go home alive.
"We told each other everything we had to say," Gracia says. "We said our goodbyes. There were no regrets between us."
In her book, she writes: "I reminded myself that, just like the other goodbyes in my lifetime, this was temporary. I can't wait to see Martin again -- and I will."
How she coped
People always ask how she survived. Faith, of course, was a constant, she says. But as weeks turned into months, she began to question God's love.
"I got angry with God," she says. "It was Martin who said he hated to see me losing faith like this. I said I wasn't, but I was. You either believe all of it, or you don't believe any of it. He said, 'You think through all the scriptures you know and a good majority say that God loves you.' That was good for me to hear. I made a conscious decision to believe that."
She also taught herself mind tricks to block out terror, particularly during firefights.
"I just turned off my emotions," she says. "My mind was shutting down. I couldn't handle those things."
When they got a pen and paper, they kept a journal. Gracia still has the papers, which were in a backpack returned to her by Filipino soldiers.
She keeps them in a folder, tucked away in a living room drawer. On them are lists of places to take the children. Gracia even made a list of pies she wanted to bake -- in the order she was going to bake them.
Seeing the children again became Martin and Gracia's motivation for staying alive.
Controversial ransom
The $330,000 ransom her family unsuccessfully paid to the Abu Sayyaf caused some strain with the Burnhams' mission headquarters, Florida-based New Tribes Mission, Gracia says.
New Tribes, to which Martin's parents, Paul and Oreta, also belong, adheres to a no-ransom policy designed to discourage future kidnappings. Paul and Oreta returned to their mission work in the Philippines last year.
Gracia said if she ever returns to mission work, it will be with New Tribes.
"I love those people," she says.
What's in her future? She isn't sure.
Gracia has created The Martin and Gracia Burnham Foundation to support missionaries worldwide.
Portions of book sales and speaking fees will go into the fund. The money will support mission aviation and tribal mission work around the world.
At some point, she hopes to return to the Philippines as a missionary. But not until her children are on their own.
She doesn't regret serving God -- wherever He needs it -- and encourages it in her children.
"I wouldn't be surprised if the kids end up back on the mission field -- I would love that," she says. "A very ordinary person in this world can make a big difference. You just have to go do it."