KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Her sister hates her ex- and current husband

Dear Annie: Thirty years ago, I was married to an alcoholic, abusive man. We had four children together. For the past 20 years, I've been married to a wonderful, gentle man whom I adore. My sister, "Edith," always hated my ex-husband and, for some reason, hates my second husband as well. Nothing has ever happened between them to cause a rift. She simply doesn't like him.
For the past seven years, Edith hasn't come to our family celebrations, regardless of the occasion. My oldest child wants very much to get to know her aunt, uncle and cousins better. However, I recently learned that Edith refuses to have anything to do with my daughter because she reminds her of my ex-husband.
Edith has no problem seeing me if I don't bring along my husband and children, but I have become so uncomfortable in her presence that my emotional attachment to her no longer exists. There's no hostility between us, I just don't care to see her anymore.
I have three other sisters who wish the five of us could become close again, but I have no interest in a relationship with someone who hates my husband and wants nothing to do with my daughter. Am I being unreasonable or too unforgiving? Troubled Sibling
Dear Sibling: What is wrong with your sister that she refuses to accommodate your current husband and punishes your children for having a father she dislikes? This is not normal behavior. Why does she resent your happiness?
If you want to maintain sibling harmony, go ahead and see Edith now and then without your family, although you are under no obligation to do so. Let her know, however, that you think she has some serious issues that need resolving and her attitude is destroying your relationship.
Dear Annie: My mother was killed four years ago in a car accident, and I have not dealt with her death yet. I think about her on a daily basis. I really miss the things we used to do together and the long discussions we had.
Lately, I've been so preoccupied with thoughts of Mom that my doctor put me on antidepressants. How long will it take me to come to grips? Still Sad Inside
Dear Still Sad: There is no timetable for mourning, although after four years, you should be doing better. Ask your doctor to refer you to a grief counselor who will help you come to accept the loss of your mother. You might also find solace by contacting Circle of Daughters (www.circleofdaughters.com), an online support group.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Concerned Son, Any City, Any State," whose good-hearted mother often gave money to a questionable couple who lived nearby, one of whom was on parole. As you stated, he should contact the police. However, please tell "Concerned Son" to immediately contact this person's parole officer and report his activities.
A person on parole is required to meet certain standards, including obtaining suitable employment, supporting his dependents, maintaining suitable quarters, reporting regularly and showing proof of being a good citizen. Once a charge is filed against a person on parole, he or she must go back before the parole board for a hearing. Parole Officer in Florida
Dear Parole Officer: Thank you for coming to the rescue. We hope that caring son will do everything necessary to protect his mother.
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