Making the 2's not so terrible

The child's second year can test parents' expectations.
By NZONG XIONG
SCRIPPS HOWARD
Wearing only a diaper and a gleeful smile, 2-year-old Isaac Kimbrough Jr. dashes from couch to love seat before running headlong down the hallway into his parents' bedroom.
He makes a quick U-turn and runs back up the hall and into the living room, giggling and laughing. Isaac's path takes him past his 2-month-old sister, Amaya, entertaining herself in her infant car seat next to the love seat.
When Isaac pauses for a second by the coffee table, his mother, Andrea, snags him and slips a shirt over his head, then pulls up a pair of pants over the diaper.
He didn't used to do that, but that was before his second birthday in June. Now his mother refers to her son as her "busy body."
"When he turned 2, he totally changed," Andrea Kimbrough, a 24-year-old student at California State University, Fresno recalls. "Before, he was calm, mellow. Now, he's in his terrible 2's."
Familiar term
We hear that term all the time. But just how difficult are the 2's? Are they really terrible? And for whom? They can't be that bad, can they?
Zoe Lipson's parents try not to think of the 2's as "terrible," because the words sound negative.
But that doesn't mean Zoe hasn't shown some typical 2-year-old behavior, says her 27-year-old father, Ryan Lipson.
She has become adept at facial expressions that depict in no uncertain terms how she feels. "She'll do a fake cry. She'll do things to get a reaction," her father says.
One thing her parents don't mind, though, is all the hugs and kisses Zoe likes to bestow on them.
Stay-at-home mom Abigail Bridgeman, 34, says 2-year-olds love to test their motor skills.
She can laugh about it now, but she wasn't in stitches a couple of years ago when she discovered her fraternal twins Mackenzie and Remington, then 2, swinging from a low-hanging chandelier in their home in Florida. The siblings figured out how they could use chairs to climb on top of a table and then reach the chandelier.
Their sleep habits also changed between age 2 and 3, making for some tired late nights for Bridgeman and her husband, Scott, 51.
Shifting nap and nighttime routines are just part of normal development for 2-year-olds.
Michele Borba, an author and parenting expert in Palm Springs, says being 2 means "a wonderful, miraculous developmental spurt, physically, emotionally and cognitively. Kids become more socially aware, cognitive skills kick in and physical skills enhance. These kids are now 'on the move."'
That year between 2 and 3 "is a big stretch for parents as well," says Borba, author of "Parents Do Make a Difference" (Jossey-Bass, $18). Now they have a "mobile kid," who can, and will, talk back and say "no" to his or her parents.
During this time, parenting styles become an issue, too.
Andrea Kimbrough, for example, doesn't want Isaac Jr. staying up or eating late, but her husband doesn't always agree.
"Sometimes we bump heads," she says. "My husband feels he's missing out. He doesn't get off work until 9 p.m."
And when Isaac Kimbrough gets home, he wants to play with his son, Andrea Kimbrough says.
Having different parenting styles is natural, says Borba. "We're all going to be different. We parent [based] on our own temperament and how we were parented."
Before they become problems, Borba says, parents should talk about any differences in discipline. Parents must agree on a plan or decision, she adds, then be consistent administering it.
Corey Colwell-Lipson does the research in her family.
"If you'd asked before we had a child, I think we might have given different opinions of different strategies because of lack of experience," she says.
"Now we're similar. We've honed our parenting styles."
Test of expectations
The second year also can test parents' expectations of their toddlers.
Abigail Bridgeman remembers reading an article that children can be potty-trained at 18 months.
When her son Remington turned 3 and still wasn't trained, however, Bridgeman says she had to stop worrying about it, adding, "I had to let things go."
She realized, "You're going to potty-train them when they're ready. I found out if I let go and let them do it, they did it a lot quicker."
The twins, now 4, are constant playmates, keeping each other entertained and out of trouble, the Bridgemans say.
It won't be long, though, before their third child, Maverick, turns 2. At 16 months, he's a lot quicker than his siblings were at the same age, say his parents.
But the Bridgemans aren't worried about the terrible 2's with Maverick.
"I feel comfortable," says his mother. "We created a toddler-friendly home. [Before long,] it's going to seem like he was just 2 yesterday."