GAIL WHITE When sacrificing for kids, moms get more than they give

My 4-year-old handed me a bouquet of dandelions.
His little eyes looked up at me with a sweet, innocent smile as I accepted his gift with a kiss.
A few of the dandelions toppled to the ground. The stems were missing. Others had very long stems that jutted out from the bottom of the bouquet.
It occurred to me that he had taken the time to arrange the bouquet before handing it to me. The stemless flowers had been gently placed on top.
Holding the yellow blossoms in my hands, I was struck by their beauty. These nuisance weeds, picked by small hands suddenly were more beautiful than any rose.
Dinner can wait
My 9-year-old was in a bad mood. Grumpy and grouchy, he sat down at the table to do his homework. His disgust over the task resulted in his slamming his pencil on the table.
I saw his behavior while I was making dinner in the kitchen, and I rebuked him harshly. Tears came to his eyes.
"Two things happened at school today," he said through his sobs.
As we sat and talked about his day, the anger dissipated with the tears. We resolved his two problems and ended up laughing over our solutions.
Dinner was late, but our talk was more fulfilling than a seven-course meal.
The fifth- and sixth-graders were going to a choir competition on the other side of Pittsburgh. My fifth-grader wanted me to chaperon.
This involved leaving at 7 a.m. on a Saturday and arriving home after 10 p.m. Moreover, it meant 1 1/2 hours on a school bus each way with 60 rambunctious 11- and 12-year-olds.
Needless to say, I didn't want to go.
"Saturdays are so busy," I said. "Besides, I have a wedding to go to that evening."
This usually happy, confident child looked like a lost puppy.
I went.
The day spent with my son was as memorable as the wedding I missed.
Sacrifices
"Could I have $5?" my 14-year old asked me.
"Didn't I just give you money yesterday?" I asked back.
"But we went to Dairy Queen," he explained. "We want to go to a movie tonight."
As I dug into my purse, I pulled out my last bill, a $5 bill.
"Thanks, Mom," he beamed.
When he returned home, his 20-minute-long description of the show was worth more than gold.
There are so many sacrifices involved in becoming a parent. I never knew how much I would give up to be a mother.
All the little freedoms that I had never thought of before slipped slowly away -- everything from going to the bathroom alone, to eating at my choice of restaurant (an establishment that has never had a clown or playground associated with it).
But, it seems, every sacrifice comes back tenfold -- blessings in the form of smiles, kisses, laughter and time spent together.
All the little selfish wants and desires I have pale in the light of my children's eyes.
Letting go
There is one sacrifice, however, that I am struggling to give up.
I was mad at my 14-year-old, and he knew it.
As I ranted and raved about his social schedule and his lack of interest in our family, I looked over to find him staring at me cross-eyed.
I stopped midsentence. Part of me wanted to laugh at his antics, the other part of me was infuriated by his appearance.
"Stop that right now!" I railed.
"Mom," he said, very calm and cool (and sounding quite mature). "I just want to spend some time with my friends."
I will give up the roses, good hot meals prepared on time, all the money in the world and certainly my leisure Saturdays (including sleeping in!).
But with everything I have given up to be a mom, the hardest thing, I am finding, to give up are the apron strings that have bound me so close to these little lives.
gwhite@vindy.com