Camp could be a prison, but the ACLU would gripe

By DR. JASON FOUGHT
SPECIAL TO THE VINDICATOR
One month ago: "Nepal is beautiful and a fantastic place to be. I could live here at Base Camp."
Now: "I'm trapped. Mount Everest Base Camp would make a fantastic prison."
Who would have thought that a month would make such a difference? After being battered by 40 mph winds for the past five days here at Base Camp, I'm one of the many who can't wait to get out of here.
It sounds odd that a Himalayan tourist destination that people pay thousands of dollars to visit would be painful to see every day, but it is.
I couldn't understand why Gilligan and the gang wanted to get off of the island, either. But almost everyone except the annoyingly cheerful have had their fill.
And those who are annoyingly cheerful are scorned and viewed as if they had mental problems. An American doctor at the Himalayan Rescue Association who has been here for six weeks put it plainly, stating: "God, please summit soon. This can't end soon enough."
Worse than Alcatraz
Back to the idea of Base Camp's being turned into a penal colony. Base Camp would be a great prison, and after a month here, I can say quite confidently that Alcatraz has nothing on Base Camp.
We could form a contract with Nepal and send our worst offenders here -- murderers, rapists, child molesters and French citizens -- far from where they could do harm. Here they would live their lives out with criminal thoughts and intentions, making souffles until their dying days.
What makes Base Camp such a good prison site? First, at 17,600 feet, it's difficult to breathe, and this doesn't improve with time. After a month here, I still have to stop after any physical activity to catch my breath.
Imagine prisoners attempting to escape. They rush out of their tents and sprint to freedom, making it about 300 feet before dropping to their knees, gasping for air because of the lack of oxygen.
Taking the plunge
Some of those running farther than 100 yards would plunge to their deaths into deep, bottomless crevasses, keeping taxpayers from having to feed and house them. Because of this, only a minimal security force would be needed.
Also, because there's only a little village (Gorak Shep) two hours away, which has only three buildings, there's really nowhere to run. Essentially Gorak Shep is another prison of its own.
For prisoner activity, exercise would be important, with thousands of large rocks that convicts could break into smaller rocks, all in the view of the biggest mountains in the world.
There's no cable television here, so perhaps there would be complaints made to the ACLU, but at least there would be a great view.
The worst criminals could be placed at Camp II, where hurricane-force winds have recently destroyed two-thirds of the tents that we have, breaking poles and ripping holes through thousand-dollar tents.
Occasionally avalanches rumble through Camp II as well, burying tents and anyone unfortunate enough to be inside them. Maintaining Camp II and digging out avalanche sites could allow prisoners to pay their debts to society.
But again I digress. Getting back to current events, the weather finally looks promising.
Army camp
Every day we go to the Indian/Nepal Army camp, which has a group of 34 climbers, over 16,000 eggs (3,000 of which have cracked) and has Base Camp's only 27-inch television.
They're a great group of people and frequently have us over for lunch, occasionally inviting us to watch movies, most of which are Baliwood films.
Baliwood, India's film industry, makes more movies than Hollywood, although the quality is usually horrible, being better only than the latest Madonna movies.
More importantly, the Indian army has a team of scientists in Delhi forecasting the weather seven days in advance.
For the past five days, the news had progressively worsened, leaving us sulking back to our tents to seek shelter from the wind.
Thankfully, the latest reports show winds at the lower camps will leave in two days, and by Sunday the summit gusts will calm.
Summit plans
Paul Giorgio, our expedition leader, expects to summit now next Tuesday or Wednesday. Unfortunately, most of the other teams have acclimated and will be ready to summit around the same time. This is dangerous and could result in a slew of deaths if the weather turns bad.
Next: Paul's summit plan.
UTo read more about Paul's summit attempt and to see pictures of the team, go to www.trekeverest.com. To read past columns by Dr. Fought, go to www.oneverest.com.