EVEREST JOURNAL | Ask Dr. Fought

Q. Where did you get your sense of humor?
A. My mother was terribly uncoordinated and has difficulty holding onto items. Car keys. Dishes. Small children. Subsequently, as a child, she must have repeatedly dropped me on my head. That spurred my career into medicine and also, coincidentally, gave me my sense of humor.
Q. What was it like gearing up for this event?.
A. Well, I first geared up for this event inside my home in Burlington, Vt., so gearing up was really warm. All of my gear was very expensive, but mostly paid for by NASA, who sponsors some of the research I am doing. If I had to pay for all of it, it would have cost me about $5,000. Thankfully, your mom and dad's tax dollars subsidized my trip. Please thank them for me.
Q. What did you like better, going to the barbershop or the hotel (in Nepal)?
A. Probably the barbershop. Funny people work in the barbershops, although what I didn't appreciate about the hotel is that it had a real shower, which I haven't had in over a month. I smell pretty bad now. My clothes smell pretty bad now, and even animals avoid my sleeping bag. Occasionally I take "bucket baths," where you get a big bucket of warm water and a cup, which you clean yourself with. It's not the same, though, and I haven't even done that for over a week.
Q. How long have you dreamed of being at Mount Everest?.
A. Probably since the fourth grade. My fourth-grade teacher asked all of his students to write a list of everything that they'd like to do in life, and somewhere on the list after "be a disco dancer like John Travolta," and "beating up the Bob, who sits right in front of me," I wrote "climb Mt. Everest." Being older now and fond of keeping my fingers and toes, I no longer want to climb to the top, but it's pretty cool to be here. Thankfully, I never became anything like Travolta. Now, if I only could find Bob.
Q. How would you describe Mount Everest?.
A. A big cold, snow-covered slab of ugly rock that happens to go higher than any other big, cold slab of ugly rock.
Q. How does it feel to be at Mount Everest?.
A. Usually it feels cold to be at Mount Everest. That's because it's usually pretty stinking cold here. Otherwise, it's beautiful to look at the mountains and the beautiful avalanches that could wipe out small villages should they land on them. I also like sleeping on a big piece of ice that moves all night and may eventually collapse, swallowing me whole and burying me in an icy grave.
Q. How much does all your gear weigh? Metal boots weigh?
A. First, I decided to leave the metal boots at home, mainly because I didn't want to go through the hassle of the airport metal detectors. But my leather boots and crampons together probably weigh 12 pounds, or the size of a reasonably well-fed glacier dog like Sparky, who barks all night. I also have a harness with a bunch of metal gizmos and rope that probably weighs five pounds. Everything else that I have (besides the research equipment) is probably another 20 pounds.