Marrying finances takes talk

In one of my favorite "Seinfeld" episodes, George tried to weasel out of his wedding to Susan by following Kramer's advice to demand a prenuptial agreement. Susan would be so offended, she'd dump George on the spot, Kramer promised.
It didn't work. Noting that George had "nothing" in the financial area, Susan simply laughed and said sure, write it up, she'd sign.
In lots of cases, Kramer's strategy would have worked fine. The whole idea of talking about money before marriage is so unromantic. It creates an aura of distrust that clashes with the dream of living happily ever after. Romeo and Juliet certainly didn't hash out prenups and joint accounts.
And yet, as every summer arrives, I get a slew of premarital advice letters from financial experts. Before going down the aisle, be sure to have a heart-to-heart talk on your financial histories, prospects and plans, they urge.
Here, then, is the standard advice -- offered without any confidence a love-struck couple will listen.
The benefits
Full financial disclosure between the betrothed is most important if either of you comes with children. Imagine the worst: You bring children to the marriage, you die, your spouse remarries, and then he or she dies. A stranger could end up controlling the assets you want left to your kids.
This is a case in which a prenuptial agreement does make sense. It doesn't mean you think your beloved is a gold digger.
Even if there are no children, if one of you enters the marriage with much greater assets than the other, or with a much larger income, it might pay to have an upfront agreement about what will happen to it all if the marriage doesn't last. A stay-at-home spouse needs protection, as does the one who built up a lot of net worth before the two of you got together.
Sure, it's a touchy subject. Rather than try to hammer it out over the kitchen table, think about hiring a lawyer or other financial adviser to walk you both through issues. Think of it as protection for both of you.
Breaking out the books
Most advisers say couples should make sure they're financially simpatico before tying the knot. Do you have the same saving and spending habits? Do you aspire to the same standard of living? What are your earning prospects? What is your vision of retirement?
Be honest about financial liabilities, such as debts, overdue tax bills, past bankruptcies or loan defaults that could hurt your joint ability to get credit cards or mortgages. Are any ex-spouses going to kick in for child support and college savings? Do either of you feel an obligation to help out a poor relation or aged parent? Better disclose all this upfront.
It also makes sense to settle on how you'll handle the mundane financial issues. Who is going to pay which bills? Will you use joint bank accounts?
I'd settle on a system that keeps all finances in the open but also minimizes stress.
Keeping a balance
Since my wife and I make about the same amount, we have always split our household expenses down the middle. But for years we had a system that didn't work very well. We each paid certain bills, and then we'd occasionally sit down to "settle up" any imbalance.
We got so we dreaded these sessions so much that we'd postpone them longer and longer -- making the final accounting even worse.
So we changed it. We each still have our own accounts, but now we also have a joint checking account for all shared expenses. We each have a debit and credit card linked to the joint account. And all three accounts are at the same bank, so we can shift money between them online.
We no longer discuss money face-to-face. When the cash in the joint account runs low, we agree -- via e-mail -- on the size of the deposit, which we'll split.
Simple, foolproof, stress-free? Absolutely.
Romantic? Well, no -- but nothing involving money is.
XJeff Brown is a business columnist for The Philadelphia Inquirer. E-mail him at brownj@phillynews.com.