KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Reader thinks that coed sleepovers are fine

Dear Annie: I disagree with your response that coed sleepovers are not a good idea. Our daughter just graduated high school and will be 18 next month. Her longtime boyfriend has been sleeping with her, at our house, since she was 17. They have a very mature, loving relationship.
Her boyfriend told us that they wanted to know each other as friends before having sex, to make sure their relationship was not based on infatuation. When we knew they had become intimate, we made sure that they were having safe sex through very honest and frank talks, and through doctors' visits.
We decided it was healthier for them to be having safe sex in a sheltered environment, instead of sneaking around late at night in dangerous places. Even if they break up at some point, we feel confident that our daughter will not get into unhealthy sexual situations with strange boys at college. She now understands what a safe, healthy sexual relationship is like and will have a good basis for comparison.
Another great benefit is that instead of spending time fighting and grilling our daughter about where she's been and what she's been doing, we can use our time to discuss things that will bring us closer together. Loving Parent in Oregon
Dear Loving Parent: We are talking about two different things. Coed sleepovers have nothing to do with mature, committed relationships. They are parties, and the situation can get out of control. While you have taken a rather liberal approach to your daughter's sex life, parents should realize that once teenagers begin having sex, they are not likely to stop simply because their parents demand it. Once you were aware of your daughter's activities, you were wise to take her to a doctor and have a frank discussion about safe sex. Encouraging the couple to sleep together by providing a convenient hotel is another story, but that is your decision, not ours.
Dear Annie: In a moment of weakness, I gave my e-mail address to a former friend. In the last two years, this friend has sent me a stream of mass mailings of a religious, political and occasionally racist nature.
I asked her to take me off her mailing list, but I continue to get e-mails. I wrote her back in a snippy way, but she still won't take the hint. Any ideas? Don't Discuss It With Me
Dear Don't Discuss: This woman is not likely to stop sending you e-mail, so learn to live with it. You can avoid her by changing your user name, or, more simply, by treating her e-mail like spam. Delete the messages without opening them. It's less time-consuming and certainly less aggravating than reading her annoying missives.
Dear Annie: I loved the story from "Diva Mom," who learned the lyrics to her son's rap CD and then embarrassed him to death by singing along in front of his friend. After that, he stopped playing the CD.
My 15-year-old nephew always wore his pants around his butt so his underwear would show. He knew I didn't like it, but he tried to convince me it shouldn't matter because so many other kids were doing it. One day I gave him a taste of his own medicine. When I knew he was coming by to visit, I greeted him with my pants pulled halfway down my bottom. The look on his face was worth a million bucks. Now whenever he comes over, he always has his pants properly pulled up to his waist. Auntie Diva
Dear Diva: Auntie Mame had nothing on you. Thanks for sharing.
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