KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Dave's' affair with computer led to hers with 'Bob'

Dear Annie: "Dave" and I have been married for 10 years, and we have two young children. Over time, the computer became more important to him than our marriage. I didn't realize how unhappy and lonely I was until a married acquaintance expressed an interest in me.
"Bob" swept me away, and we fell in love. When I needed to talk, he listened intently. The passion was unbelievable, and our affair went on for over nine months. Bob told me that I was "the one." He gave every indication that he was going to file for divorce. He even signed a lease on a place for the two of us, but it fell through.
Last week, Dave found an e-mail from Bob in which we both expressed our feelings for each other. Dave confronted Bob and his wife. I'll admit, when this happened, I was relieved. The deception and tension were more than I could handle.
After the initial pain, my husband told me that he loves me with all his heart and soul and wants to make our marriage work. After hours of conversation, we admitted we were both responsible for the sorry state of our relationship. I have not spoken to Bob since Dave found out about our affair.
That sounds like a happy ending, but the problem is, I still love Bob. I miss him both physically and emotionally, but he hasn't bothered to contact me. He just bailed out. He may have gone back to his wife, but the only way to know is to call him. I'm afraid if I do that, I won't be strong enough to hang up the phone.
Help me, Annie. Is it possible to find that passion with my husband? Heartbroken in Dallas
Dear Dallas: Yes, but first you have to give up Bob, emotionally as well as physically. Your heart is not free to find passion with Dave again if you are still mooning over someone else. Ask Dave to go with you for marriage counseling and find a way to rekindle that spark. It's in there somewhere.
Dear Annie: I live in a small condominium in a middle-class neighborhood in the suburbs. We have a parking lot in the back of our building for the tenants. One of my neighbors has an old, beat-up sedan with occasional flat tires and a fairly loud engine. Every day, he sits in his car, starts the engine, rolls up the windows and stays there for at least an hour. I have no idea what he is doing, but he sits in that car every single day, rain or shine.
I mentioned to my husband that seeing this guy creeps me out, but my husband just laughed. The guy has never said anything to me or tried to approach me, but I have to walk past his car to get into my building, and I'm afraid to look at him. What do you think of this, Annie? Lori in Missouri
Dear Lori: Being "creepy" is not a violation of condo rules. Chances are, Mr. Auto is simply warming up the old engine and enjoying some solitude while he's at it. You can talk to him and explain that this activity makes you nervous, or you can register a complaint with the building manager and ask if anything can be done.
Dear Annie: I would like to offer a family vacation suggestion to "Wishing On a Star." For the past six years, each member of my family has taken a turn deciding where the family will go on vacation. In 1999, my mother picked Hawaii.
The next year, my father selected Miami. My brother picked a theme park. Taking turns ended all the arguments about vacations. This way, if one person isn't crazy about the choice, he knows his turn is coming soon enough. Atlanta
Dear Atlanta: A sensible solution. Thanks so much for suggesting it.
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