JERRY BREWER We'll pass on parity; give us greatness

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Parity stinks.
It smells like men doing masonry in the NBA Finals.
It smells like a Belgian treat left to spoil on a tennis court in Paris.
It smells like the foulest of odors, as funky as Jim Furyk's swing.
In times of greatness, you pine after parity, stalk parity, harass parity. Then, when you get parity, it stinks.
Forget parity.
Give me Goliath again. Give me greatness. Give me dominance and dynasties. Give me something to love or hate.
A surprising few months of dragon-slaying in sports left the championship stage void of Shaq, Kobe, Serena and Tiger.
And it stunk.
No interest
A record-low 6.5 Nielsen rating during the NBA Finals proved that the San Antonio-New Jersey festival of bricks lacked one key component: the Los Angeles Lakers.
An all-Belgian French Open final introduced us to Justin Henin-Hardenne, but she should've worn one of Serena Williams' cat suits.
A 40 percent drop in ratings from last year's U.S. Open showed that Furyk just doesn't captivate us like Tiger Woods.
You don't want no stinkin' parity.
You want Goliath. You want greatness. You want dominance and dynasties. You want something to love or hate.
"(The dynasty's) the team that has what we want," said Christian M. End, an assistant professor at the University of Missouri-Rolla, who studies sports fans' behavior. "They're the out-group. If you're a fan of another team, you start labeling it as 'us vs. them,' but it leaves an opening for 'them.' "
End admits to being a tad perplexed. It's hard to understand why so many fans could dislike, say, the Lakers, cry out for something different, but then shut down when change occurs.
He won't say it, but I can. You guys are crazy. That's OK, though. You're fun. On a deeper, more psychological level, End figures it's all about a social connection.
You watch dominance. You learn the personalities behind dominance. You begin to have feelings, good or bad, for dominance. The emotion draws you back.
"Psychology would say, 'Familiarity breeds liking,' " End said.
You like the team. Or you like to dislike the team. Either way, you are hooked.
New giant
When Goliath falls, you must learn the new giant. It takes time. You might even discover that this is no new giant, just a fluke hero. There is no longer a standard to admire or reject. You have so many questions. Is the new giant great enough? Thrilling enough? Charismatic enough?
And so if this is a new era in the NBA, golf and tennis, it begins with one emotion.
Boredom.
Only in football does parity work. Football is an altogether different and more glorious beast. It seems like you will take it any way or form. It's the ultimate Goliath.
Outside of that, parity stinks. You can't get used to it. You need Goliath. And Goliath is getting beaten down these days.
Since the sports calendar goes from August to August in football-loving Florida, take a look at what else has happened the past year.
The Detroit Red Wings were upset in the first round of the NHL playoffs. The New York Yankees are getting on George Steinbrenner's nerves. Team USA lost--three times! -- in men's basketball. What's next? Lance Armstrong gets a flat tire in the Tour de France?
Goliath is hurting.
Parity stinks.
You're searching for dominance, or at least greatness, to return.
"Now that Shaq has hired this Marine to whip him into shape," End said, pausing briefly, "watch out world."
That's great news. And terrible news.
That's nirvana.
XJerry Brewer writes for The Orlando Sentinel.