Freebie hunters discover paradise by Squaw Creek

The promotional tents are filled with goodies to share.
By JOE SCALZO
VINDICATOR SPORTS STAFF
VIENNA -- Sick of wandering around to find a second soy option? Tired of looking for a new vegetarian tomato basil pizza? Can't afford to buy your own Listerine PocketPaks?
Rest, dear children. I have the solution.
And it's all free.
You're about to take a tour of the Squaw Creek promotional tents, where you can find anything you need so long as you're willing to give out your name, address, phone number, e-mail address, blood type, two locks of hair, one of your shoelaces and your first born child.
(Just kidding about the shoelace.)
We'll start at the Morningstar Farms "Fresh Veggie Burger" stand, where a college-aged male -- with an eyebrow ring -- is holding a tray full of free samples.
"These are good," he said. "Write that down."
Skeptical? Sure. You've been burned before.
"I didn't think they'd be good either," he said. "But they are. I was hungry all day yesterday and I just stood around eating them."
Three varieties
But wait, there's more. Veggie Burgers come in three varieties: Tomato Basil Pizza, Chicken Parmesan Ranch and Grillers Prime.
Did anyone spit one out?
"No, everyone likes them," he said.
He's quite a salesman.
Our next stop is the LPGA MasterCard tent. This might have the best selection of free stuff anywhere. Fill out an application and you get your choice of an LPGA chair (most popular), beach towel or bag and you automatically get 13 issues of Sports Illustrated.
Does the information get sold to telemarketers?
"No, the bank doesn't sell the info," she said.
Yeah, surrre.
We bypass the Marriott Vacation Club tent -- they're holding a drawing for a free vacation, but who isn't? -- and go directly to the Sprint tent, which has a lot of free stuff, but it's not as good as MasterCard.
Spinning wheel
But it does have a wheel you can spin to win a prize.
"You want to spin the wheel?" the employee asked.
Do I?
I spun, I won. (It was a keychain.) I also could have won a mini phonebook, a hand-held fan (not the cool battery-charged kind), a water bottle, a calling card or a pen.
Next stop, NovaSoy.
"Basically, these [soy pills] help women with menopause who are suffering from hot flashes, sleeplessness or mood swings," said the employee.
No problem there. But they're also offering free bone density screenings (a $50 value), which might be a problem.
"Want one?" she asked.
Sure.
She did an ultrasound of my heel, complete with ultrasound gel. I was a little wary, so I decided to ask a test question: Does this cause cancer in lab rats?
"I don't think so," she said.
Whew.
I had a score of 0.0, which puts me in the desirable category (wink-wink).
Other stops
We make a quick stop at the www.energizeyourfuture.com tent (if you visit, the password is: wellness) where they have stickers, but can't pass out free drinks because of the tournament's Pepsi contract.
Shepherd of the Valley is passing out free sunscreen packets, while Forum Health is passing out free ponchos. (For some reason, both gifts make sense this weekend.)
Time Warner has cup holders and Listerine PocketPaks has -- what else? -- Listerine PocketPaks. (They'll give out 30,000 this weekend.)
We then bypass a unnamed company tent, which is unnamed because the employee said we can't say who he works for. (It was definitely not Discover Card Platinum.)
We make a brief spot at Genisoy Products Inc. -- not to be confused with NovaSoy -- which has free Soy Nuts. (I don't know what those are -- and I don't want to know.)
We pass the Eagle Class tent, which doesn't have free stuff, and go to Universal Golf Inc., which has free Strata hats and free Nike visors (or, if you like, a Nike golf shoes bag). Next door, the Micro Doctor has free mouse pads.
By this point, it's getting hard to carry everything, but don't worry. We've arrived at the final tent.
It's the Clear Channel tent. They're holding a drawing for a Mountaineer golf vacation.
OK, so it's probably not the most exciting place to finish our tour, but what do you expect?
After all, it's free.
scalzo@vindy.com