JOHN ROSEMOND | Parenting Teen is too smart for her own good

Q. We grounded our 15-year-old daughter because she watched an R-rated movie with a girlfriend while we were out for the evening. Her defense is that she told us the name of the movie before we left, and we said it was OK. That's true, but she knows that R-movies are off limits in our house. Now she won't talk to us. I know how important it is to keep open communication with a teen, and I'm now thinking I shouldn't fight this battle. Have we done the right thing, or should we drop it?
A. I think you're daughter is very clever. She knew exactly what she was doing when she asked if she and her girlfriend could watch the movie. In legalese, she was withholding vital evidence, which is equivalent to lying. Caught, she now plays the victim. Clever again!
You did the right thing. Stand your ground, stick to your guns, hang tough and so on. As for keeping open communication with a teen, that's a two-way street and a shared responsibility. Your daughter violated the bond of trust that is a prerequisite to good parent-child communication.
It is not your responsibility to fix something that you did not break. Besides, the silent treatment is pure drama, part of your daughter's victim act, not an indication that there is a communication problem between you.
Sooner or later, she's going to have to ask you for something at which point she will talk. Meantime, take the vacation.
XJohn Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 E. 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN 46240 and at his Web site: http://www.rosemond.com/.