Take a deep breath and jump in

By TIM O'BRIEN
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
"Don't spend your entire life in the shallow end of the pool," read the bumper sticker. I looked at it and said to myself, "I don't have to worry about that one."
I had thoughts of risks taken in business and times when I held my ground against a crowd and won. Memories of mistakes I've made and ventures that failed floated through my mind. I looked back across the past 30 years as an entrepreneur and smiled the smile of a survivor who has enjoyed the journey.
Someone else in the car had a very different observation and comment about that bumper sticker, "Sometimes I think I've never stepped out. I have never tried anything on my own and I regret it now." That comment shook me from my reverie and conjured memories of other people I have known. They all had expressed a lament about not venturing out on what they felt would be a more exciting life. We would talk about it and I realized there was actually a confusion held by most of them. They confused taking a calculated risk with excitement or abandon. They felt those who lived an independent life, and made their own decisions, naturally lived a riskier and more exciting life. That might be true, but it isn't always.
Result of decisions
Those who lamented the blandness of their lives also did not realize that where they were now, was the result of decisions they made before. They made different decisions than those who they felt had more fulfilling or exciting lives.
So, let's look at how to get out of the shallow end of the pool, if you feel that is where you live. As we start, remember, the deep end does not come with guarantees. And, you have to bring your own life preserver to the pool. However, there are steps you can take to help add depth and texture to your life. Here are a few suggestions to consider:
UDo not confuse excitement with depth or meaning. Excitement is a psychological reaction to chemical stimulation brought on by certain situations or activities. If what you really want is exhilaration, this is the wrong article for you.
UDefine depth, meaning, and excitement for yourself. What do you specifically think you lack? What specific experiences do you feel you want to have? Ask yourself why you want these experiences. Self-honesty often reveals that many desires or expectations about events or situations have their foundation in memories or desires from the past. Make sure what you want relates to your life now.
UFirst, have a clear picture of what you feel you want or lack. Then, define several experiences that will fulfill your desire for more depth, meaning, and excitement.
UWatch and talk to people you know or can find who already have or experience what you want to have or experience. You might find that their perceptions of the value of those experiences are very different from your expectations. Often, the journey toward a goal is more fulfilling than the actual acquisition. Internal processes and feelings of satisfaction with our daily activities usually satisfy us more than the attainment of a trophy, prize or award. Maybe you are already happier than you thought!
UWork toward the new experiences you want in little steps. Use help, guides, teachers, directions and models as you go. Be careful. If one of your desires involves physical exertion like running or playing a sport, get a physical before you start. If anything you want to do involves any level of danger, have expert guidance and get proper training before you begin. Don't fly to Nepal and start up Everest on your own.
In a rut?
I believe many people who feel dissatisfaction with their life have allowed themselves to fall into redundant routines. These routines can lead to mindless effort and boredom. That does not mean you have a boring life. It means you have boring routines. Work to change your routines. Start at different times. Wear different clothes. Drive a different way to work. Sleep sideways on your bed (if it is wide enough) or sleep at the other end. Brush your teeth with your other hand. Put on your pants starting with the other leg. Refuse to do anything the old way unless there is no choice. Do some of these and you will quickly have a different view of life.
XTim O'Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management. Readers may write to him at 3023 Shannon Lakes Dr., No. 102, Tallahassee, FL 32309, or send e-mail to ism@hyperstress.com. He also has a Web site at www.hyperstress.com.