KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She isn't sure 'Ben' would make a good father

Dear Annie: I am 33 and have been married for three years to "Ben," who is 40. Ben had a vasectomy several years ago. At the time, he didn't believe he would ever marry and had no interest in becoming a father. Ben knew I wanted children, and we discussed the option of reversing his surgery or adopting. He said he was open to either suggestion. However, whenever I bring up the subject, Ben will only say, "If that's what you want."
In the last six months, I have come to the realization that I would very much like to have children. I just don't want to have them with Ben. I don't think he would be an involved father, and he doesn't seem particularly interested in having kids. When I baby-sit for relatives, he usually disappears. When he is around kids, he is short-tempered and acts immature.
I don't want to go through life without having children, but my marriage is not fit for a child. Should I honor my wedding vows and remain childless? Our marriage isn't perfect, but if it weren't for this issue, I think I could be happy. If I leave him, how do I explain it to our families? No Signature in the East
Dear No Signature: The unwillingness of one partner to have children is a valid reason to terminate a marriage. However, you do not know how Ben would behave with children of his own, nor can you guarantee that you will find what you are looking for with someone else.
You both need to discuss this in greater detail before making any decisions. Ben needs to know how important having children is to you. You need him to promise that he will do his best to be a supportive, involved and caring father. Get counseling if necessary, but work out all the angles before giving up. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I went to my local store to buy greeting cards and was surprised to find sections with no envelopes. I asked the manager if this was an oversight, and she told me this is the latest thing in shoplifting. With more people creating greeting cards on their computers, they steal envelopes by the dozens.
Office supply stores sell card-sized envelopes specifically for computer-generated cards, so there is no reason to steal. And by the way, I was told that the store has retrained its security cameras for the greeting-card aisle. Kentucky Buyer
Dear Annie: There is no excuse for taking what does not belong to you. OK, all you envelope thieves, consider yourselves warned.
Dear Annie: I am a herpetologist, and I would like to respond to the letter from "Creepy Crawlers in Texas," whose boyfriend has corn snakes. You said corn snakes are known escape artists. This is true of all captive snakes that are housed improperly. If an enclosure is secure, there is no way for the snake to escape. If you want a true escape artist, try a parrot that has figured out how to unlatch the cage door.
Corn snakes are docile and make good pets. They rarely bite, and their bites are not dangerous to humans. If "Creepy Crawlers" were to handle the snakes, she would see they deserve our respect and admiration.
If she confronts her ophidiophobia, she will find that snakes are actually quite charming and fascinating animals. Herpetologist in Massachusetts
Dear Herpetologist: We appreciate your professional advice. Many readers thought the woman should give the corn snakes a chance before giving her boyfriend an ultimatum. We agree. Our thanks to all who wrote.
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