KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox She feels guilty about her kids' half-siblings

Dear Annie: I had two children with a man who disappeared when I tried to get him to pay child support. That was 50 years ago. "Alvin" and I never married, but he continued to call me from time to time, and I kept up with his life. Two years ago, I moved to a different city and lost touch with Alvin.
Since I am growing older and don't know how long the good Lord will leave me here, I have had a serious case of guilt regarding my children's half-siblings. I know Alvin had at least three kids by another woman. One of my children recently expressed a desire to meet her father. I have no idea how to find him, or even if he is still alive. If I cannot reach him, should I tell my children they have two half-sisters and a half-brother somewhere? Or, is it just better to take this information to the grave? Somewhere, USA
Dear Somewhere: Please tell them. They are old enough to deal with the information and decide what to do about it. Meanwhile, you might be able to contact Alvin through his relatives or friends, or try searching on the Internet. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I wish all those people who think it's funny to send dead flowers and black balloons to those who reach a birthday milestone would cut it out. My own mother did this to me.
We should be thankful and respectful that a person has reached that lofty age. Many people aren't so lucky. My newspaper has printed several sad stories about people who will never see those birthdays. In the last few months, a 22-year-old man died when he was thrown from his snowmobile, and a 16-year-old girl was killed when she lost control of her car. In my own family, we've lost a 9-year-old daughter, a brother, and two cousins in their early 20s.
We should treat birthdays with joy, not with jokes about death. It always amazes me when I hear about people who have reached their 90th or 100th birthday. Living that long is a miracle. Black Balloon Buster in Wisconsin
Dear Balloon Buster: Your personal experiences are enough to sadden anyone, and you are right that every birthday is a celebration. But please try not to find offense with those who look for humor in the aging process. Your friends and relatives are thinking of you, and that's what counts. It's OK to let them know you are not amused by such efforts. Let's hope they will restrain themselves in the future.
Dear Annie: My son recently became engaged. When I spoke to his future mother-in-law about wedding plans, she promptly informed me that past rules of etiquette no longer apply and she expects the groom's parents to pay an equal share of the costs. (She intends to take out a loan.) Frankly, I was flabbergasted. When my older son married, the bride's parents paid for everything. We covered the rehearsal dinner, the flowers and the minister, as well as giving a generous wedding gift.
My son's future in-laws make approximately four times the income my husband and I do. Am I out of touch with today's wedding etiquette rules? I have a daughter who will marry some day, and I wouldn't dream of asking her in-laws to help pay for the wedding. What do you suggest we do? Mother of the Groom
Dear Mom: It is quite common these days for families to split the cost of the reception, or for the groom's family to pay for the bar bill and perhaps the musicians in addition to the traditional groom's costs. However, it should be up to the groom's family to offer payment. The bride's family should not demand it because they choose to host an event they cannot afford. (If you split the costs, your name also appears on the invitation as the co-hosts.)
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Creators Syndicate