JOHN ROSEMOND | Parenting Some more rules for grandparents

If my mail is an indication, my recent column on the role grandparents should occupy in their grandchildren's lives--a nonmaterialistic one--made a lot of people, parents and grandparents, happy.
Truthfully, much of the positive feedback came from parents whose children are saddled with grandparents who do nothing but buy them things--toys, mostly. Many of the parents tell me they posted the column on their refrigerators in the hope the grands would see it and get the message. (The column will be posted on the public side of www.rosemond.com for the next month or so.)
One parent saw fit to write her own "rules of the relationship" for grandparents and sent it to me through my Web site. It complemented the original column so well that I've decided to reprint her rules in slightly edited form. Readers! Make space on your refrigerators!
What's allowed
My unknown contributor (whoever you are, thanks!) begins her rules by saying that at the grandparents' house, children should be allowed such things as: 1. Staying up late, eating popcorn in the living room. 2. Pancakes for breakfast, and they are allowed to pour the syrup! 3. Pizza for supper and ice cream sundaes for dessert. 4. Sleepovers on the grandparents' bedroom floor. 5. Huge bubble baths with squirt guns. 6. Baking chocolate chip cookies in the afternoon. 8. Lots of outings to museums, plays, concerts and the like.
Grandma and Grandpa should have a whole room full of toys and games, dedicated to the grandchildren. Every time the grandchildren visit, they should find new things to play with and do in this special room. This room will only be special, however, if Mom and Dad allow very few toys, no more than five per child at home.
At the grandparents' house, the rules are different. No chores need to be done by grandchildren while at Grandma and Grandpa's house. The grandchildren do not have to eat their vegetables.
They can stay up, playing in their special room, as long as they like. They can fall asleep on the floor if they like. This room can have a television, hooked to a VCR that the grandparents periodically feed with videos.
Having said all that, however, Grandma's and Grandpas' house will only be special if, at their own homes, the grandchildren: 1. Have chores every day. 2. Don't have many toys. 3. Eat balanced, healthy meals without sugar-laden drinks or desserts. 4. Go to bed relatively early. 5. Are allowed little, if any, television, including videos.
Toys
All toys, including birthday presents given by the grandparents, should be kept at the grandparents' house, making their house that much more special and exciting. Occasionally, a grandchild can "check out" a toy from Grandma and Grandpa, but must bring it back before another toy can be taken on loan.
The unknown contributor ends by saying: "Personally, I'm sick and tired of my kids' grandparents bringing five toys on every birthday and giving each grandchild a dozen toys at Christmas. I end up throwing them away a few at a time and no one ever misses them. I think Grandma and Grandpa are starting to get the hint."
Do Grandma and Grandpa notice what's on the refrigerator?
XJohn Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th Street, Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN 46240 and at his Web site: http://www.rosemond.com/.