Here's how to let bygones be bygones

The process of forgiveness takes time and effort.
By VERONICA GORLEY
VINDICATOR STAFF WRITER
I forgive you.
Getting to the point where you can say those words and really believe them isn't easy to do, said Alma Garcia-Smith, physician and counselor. But the process of forgiveness is something you can learn, she said.
The process
Garcia-Smith has worked out a process of forgiveness that helps her deal with the past and life's little injustices.
UThe first step is acknowledging you're hurt. Whether you hurt yourself or someone hurt you, you must confront that issue from your past, she said.
UNext, when you're alone, allow yourself to feel your anger and pain from head to toe. Notice how your feelings manifest themselves in your body, she said. Does your anger cause heart palpitations, trembling, a stomachache? Succumbing to negative feelings stimulates hormone responses that have negative effects you can identify in the body, Garcia-Smith said.
UAfter you've identified what needs forgiveness and how it affects your body, you make a decision. Ask yourself, "Do I want to let go of this?" Decide to trust that the forgiveness process will take away the hurt, she said.
UFinally, take action. Sometimes you can confront the person you've hurt or who has hurt you. Other times, this is not possible. But you can imagine forgiving the person who wronged you. Compassion is necessary, Garcia-Smith said. Try to understand why the person hurt you, and feel compassion for him or her. Accept that everyone has flaws. She suggests repeating helpful phrases acknowledging your pain and pronouncing forgiveness.
"In doing this, you're in the act of letting go -- letting go of your anger and resentment," Garcia-Smith said. "You feel it in your body, how tense and oppressed your body feels, but when you start saying those sentences, you start to feel relaxed and you become free."
Writing it down may be helpful "to feel it on the heart level," Garcia-Smith said.
In addition, make use of your "inner resources" and find a release, she said. For Garcia-Smith, jogging is a release and a form of meditation.
"Trust your inner wisdom to guide you to find that which is comforting," she said.
Comforting images
Another suggestion is to think of comforting images. Garcia-Smith said she imagines passing on light as a way of giving forgiveness. And she can summon these light images at will to bring her comfort, she said.
And you don't have to go through it alone. Some tough issues might warrant talking with a counselor, religious leader or best friend, she said.
The process becomes easier with time, Garcia-Smith said. There will be relapses, and you will need to renew your commitment to forgive again.
"Eventually, it never comes back," she said. "It does take time, and it does take courage to do it. When the process is finished, you know it because the feelings that you were encountering are pretty much dissipated."