ANGELA TRAFFORD Pain is a fact; misery is optional

I've recently realized that in essence, across the board, often I am not satisfied with people's reactions and responses. Often I feel disappointed by the unexpected foibles of human nature and the confusion and ignorance of my fellow man.
That said, I came to a realization and acceptance. It was my expectations of people that often caused my unhappiness. I wanted people to behave a certain way, and they were often behaving badly.
I thought I had already gone through this and accepted these facts of life, but here it was again rearing its gnarly head.
A change had to happen -- within me.
As I processed through the pain and anger of my disappointments, I asked God to change me. "Work me to your will," I asked.
Soon a revolution took place -- inside of me. I had detached from people's opinions, expectations and responses. In surrendering to change, I was transformed.
What was surprising
I had always known change was an inside job, but the peace and serenity I experienced was a complete surprise. It was a healing, a liberation. Now I know that all things must pass.
All things, meaning the joy -- and the sorrow -- of life. When all things pass, what is left? The feeling we have about ourselves.
Saints and mystics realize that the moment is all we have, and this is a profound truth. How we live in the moment and experience life is all we have because the misery is up in our heads encapsulated in a monumental ego that causes nothing but jealousy, rage and a constant feeling of not being good enough.
There is pain in life, but misery is optional.
If the ego is the cause of human misery, we can recognize it in ourselves and heal.
"Where is the Buddha?" is an ancient question asked of spiritual masters. This question means essentially: "Where is the state of mind that transcends human misery? Where is enlightenment?"
If I were asked this question, I would point to a waterfall.
Observe the droplets of water cascading over the edge into the rapids beyond. In Canada, there were small creatures clinging to the surface of the rocks as the water flowed freely overhead.
Similarity
We humans are like these creatures. We cling to resentments, grudges, old hurts and animosities. We choose misery because it is familiar instead of letting go of the old destructive thinking, the bad relationships with others and having the strength and courage to surrender and move on.
With the acceptance of the imperfections of others, we resolve the conflicts within and find peace, strength and self-esteem.
With patience and perseverance we can stop trying to change others and, like the droplets in the waterfall, tumble over the edge into the sparkling bubbling flow of life.
Who knows then what the tide will wash home to us -- the new relationships that lie in wait for us around the next bend of the road?
Life is brief and it can be beautiful. But it takes courage to participate in a true adventure. We can all let go of old grievances, take the time we need to heal, be alone to work things out inside ourselves.
See the truth
Sometimes we cannot make peace with others -- but we can work it out with ourselves. Often we are angry at ourselves. The point is to stop blaming and judging and see the truth for what it is.
You had nothing to do with your mother's or father's resentments and rejections. It was their problem, and your problem that you took it on. Once you see -- and accept -- you are fresh, innocent, free.
How you feel about yourself now is the healing.
You are God's child returning home at last to realize the eternal love within yourself. The ego had you in its steely grip, but now you have escaped its clutches. It was so arduous -- yet so simple. You have let go. It was in your power all along. It was beyond even forgiveness. It is love and balance within yourself. You simply don't want to walk around in a constant state of misery with the precious moments of your life drifting away. It is a choice you make for love.
XAngela Passidomo Trafford is author of "The Heroic Path" and "Remembering the Language of God."