TOM SCHAEFER 10 ways to make holidays less stressful, more real

The weather outside might not be frightful, but the holidays are definitely stormin' in -- with ubiquitous holly wreaths, multicolored lights and enough sweets to crush a Christmas elf.
Oh, the sweet madness of it all -- and the stressful, over-the-top nature of trying to make the holidays something they can never be.
Take heart if you're among the holiday harried. Although I can't offer you a 20 percent discount on your next purchase, I can suggest 10 ways to ease back a bit. Pick and choose from the following, and see if some of these won't lighten your load and brighten your spirits:
1. Decide this weekend with your family what you want to emphasize this season (spiritual practices, how much you will spend and the specific ways to keep the holidays from getting out of hand). And stick to your decision.
2. Make a paper chain that counts the days until Christmas. Write on each link a task you'll complete each day: "Send a letter or e-mail to someone who has meant a lot to you." "Turn off the TV and play games with the kids." "Wish a stranger a happy holiday." Get the whole family involved in a holiday brainstorming session.
3. Reserve time for yourself, or you and your significant other, to meditate or pray together. Consider some of these resources to revive your spirits: "Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer; "Conversations With Therese of Lisieux," by Jacques Gauthier; "Grace for the Moment," by Max Lucado; "A Sacred Primer: The Essential Guide to Quiet Time and Prayer" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. Or read the sacred scriptures of your faith tradition.
The words of the 12th-century abbot and poet Bernard of Clairvaux ring true: "Theirs is an endless road, a hopeless maze, who seek for goods before they seek for God."
4. Focus on three themes until Christmas: repentance, contentment and commitment. Ask for forgiveness from and seek reconciliation with those from whom you are estranged. Next, find contentment in simple pleasures. Finally, make a commitment to seek a better way to live as the new year approaches and begin to put it in practice. Whatever change you commit to, keep it simple.
5. Support a local charity, or select an angel from a Salvation Army angel tree. When you care about others, you renew your own spirit as you enrich the lives of others.
6. Consider some alternative gifts made in or to be given to developing countries. Two sites to check out: www.altgifts.org and www.worldvision.org.
7. Make a coupon booklet with individual slips of paper redeemable for services you'll provide: "Baby-sitting," "Walk the dog," "Shovel snow from driveway," etc.
8. If a family member has died, take time to remember him or her and to look to others for support and strength, especially those who have also lost a loved one.
9. Make some treats for the animals: slather pine cones with peanut butter and cover with birdseed, or leave a salt lick for deer.
10. Celebrate in song with others. Rejoice in the hope you have within. Spread good cheer to those who are strangers.
XTom Schaefer writes about religion and ethics for the Wichita Eagle in Wichita, Kan.