HOSTESS GIFTS Don't go empty-handed to parties

Showing your appreciation to a party host is simply good manners.
STAMFORD ADVOCATE
It's party time but let us not forget our manners and show up for the festivities without a token for the host and hostess.
"We give gifts when we are asked to attend a function that a person is giving to show our thanks for the effort they have made on our behalf," says Peter Post, director of the Emily Post Institute and author of "Essential Manners for Men: What To Do, When To Do It and Why" (HarperResource, $19.95). "It's a measure of appreciation, even if the host says no gifts are necessary."
Need ideas? Flowers are a flexible favorite that can be tailored by cost, size of arrangement, theme and a host's preference in color or type.
A bottle or two of wine is another option, festively packaged in a sheer fabric bottle wrap. "If it goes with the dinner, your hosts can serve it," says Post.
Post suggests a box of chocolates or pastries for after-dinner treats. "One of the things I've seen a single gentleman do is bring scented candles as a gift, something not directly associated with the event," says Post. Ideas for the holidays are plentiful. "You can bring some holiday swizzlers for drinks, a little stack of cocktail napkins with a holiday image, some coasters, wine glass rings," suggests Post.
Not too personal
Post frowns on individual gifts; always bring something for the couple. And stay away from the personal. Items such as lingerie or perfume are too suggestive.
Holiday time is also visiting time, when families and friends join for a few days of togetherness. But under no circumstances should an overnight guest show up without something for the house, says Post. "Think of the place you're going and what kind of need they have," he says. "There's no difference between gifts for family or friends," he adds. "You may think of family as less needful but you have to give them the same consideration."
Guests may be wary of springing for a decorative item, particularly if it's a first-time visit. Post suggests bringing food. "One fun thing you can do as a house guest is get a small waffle iron and then buy a jar of maple syrup, some mix, some bacon, gourmet coffee," says Post. Post acknowledges that casual gatherings (watching football games, or getting together spur of the moment) don't require a gift.
"It's nice to err on the side of being sure," he says. "It's always easy to stop and buy some flowers." And do not forget to say thank you.