FAMILY LESSONS Kids learn about money through holiday giving

Rituals such as saving spare change inoculate kids against holiday greed.
By STEVE ROSEN
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- The snowman bucket is out at Jody Lowe's house in Wauwatosa, Wis.
From Thanksgiving until Christmas Eve, Lowe, her husband and two young children will dutifully throw their spare change in the plastic bucket each day.
"We might throw in a buck if someone has a special accomplishment," Lowe said.
It's a family ritual that began a few years ago to encourage the charitable spirit of the season and to help make the holidays a little less gift-focused in the Lowe household. The ritual extends to Lowe's three siblings and their children, and her parents.
At a big family gathering on Christmas Eve, all the children's names are placed in a hat. One name gets drawn, and the lucky child gets to choose which charity will receive the money that's been collected in all the buckets.
"We've raised several hundred dollars over the last few years," Lowe said.
For many families, rituals like this are a great way to inoculate kids against holiday greed and the gimmies. As many young children get consumed by visions of tearing open stacks of colorfully wrapped packages, it can be a real challenge for parents and grandparents to survive the next few weeks without succumbing to spending pressures.
How can you keep your sanity and avoid breaking the bank?
Teaching responsibility
Regardless of whether money is no object or the budget is tight, use the holiday season to teach your kids responsible spending and shopping, and the joy that comes from assisting those who are less fortunate.
One approach we take is to invite each of our three kids to create wish lists. Faster than the time it takes to clear away the Thanksgiving feast, the kids' notes go up on the refrigerator. They know they won't get everything they wish for -- that's made clear. Sometimes they even rank their most desired two or three gifts.
It's a good way for us to establish some priorities, and it cuts down on some of the frivolous spending and unrealistic gift ideas.
Creative ideas
Several readers, such as Lowe, whom I've conversed with in recent weeks through e-mails, also shared suggestions on how parents -- and their children -- can avoid going overboard during this season of conspicuous consumption.
Besides the snowman buckets, Lowe and her extended family purchase small theme gifts for each child. The first year the gifts were small paperback books, followed by a patriotic theme after Sept. 11. Last year, the theme was collectible Christmas ornaments. This year, maybe brain-teaser games.
"When we first made the transition," Lowe said, "there was a little grumbling. But now we all feel like our Christmas Eve get-togethers have become so much more family-focused."
Suzanne Short, a children's money author from Dallas who also has 13 grandchildren, said kids regardless of age should be encouraged to make gifts for a parent, grandparent or sibling--everything from cookies to jewelry to a painted rock for a paperweight. She also suggested adopting a needy family and letting kids spend their own money on some of the gifts.
Blunt message
Several parents also said it's instructive to tell kids point-blank what presents they may not receive this year.
"Kids can be realistic if you give them accurate information," said Barbara Williams, a mother of two boys now in their early 20s. "The key is starting them young to not expect that their every wish will be granted."
On the other hand, the Virginia woman noted, "my observations seem to point to the fact that many parents haven't figured this out."
Maybe a snowman's bucket is a way to start.