ANNIE'S MAILBOX Grandchildren are being spanked too often

Dear Annie: I am very concerned about my granddaughters, ages 1 and 3. In my opinion, my son and his wife spank them too often.
The family just spent two months with us on a stateside vacation from their missionary work overseas. I witnessed several spankings a day for their oldest and a few for the youngest as well. They even used a small stick.
I told my son how I felt. His defense was the biblical "Spare the rod, spoil the child." After our conversation, they did most of the spanking in their room, behind a locked door.
I don't know what to do about the situation. This happened in our home, and I had no control over it. They will be back next summer. What should I do? Concerned Grandma
Dear Grandma: That particular quote is not from the Bible. It is from a poem by Samuel Butler. Nonetheless, many people use Scripture to justify hitting their children, and it is difficult to reason with them. Your son should know that some scholars interpret biblical instructions on disciplining children to mean "teach" them, not strike them.
In this day and age, using a stick on a child constitutes child abuse. We assume you have no intention of reporting your son, although if you are concerned about the children's welfare, please reconsider. Meanwhile, ask him to discuss his disciplinary methods with someone whose opinion he respects -- perhaps your minister or the head of his missionary group. And let him know you will not tolerate his hitting the children in your home, whether the doors are locked or not.
Dear Annie: My son is getting married next year. The bride's parents are making all the arrangements and are quite wealthy. I am divorced and don't make much money, although my ex-husband is very well off financially.
The bride's mother recently informed me that it is the responsibility of the groom's parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner she is planning. We're talking about 20 people. This is going to be quite expensive. My ex-husband said he is willing to pay half, but even half is far more than I can afford.
My son expects me to meet this obligation. Without embarrassing my son or myself, can I graciously get out of this? Low-Income Mother of the Groom
Dear Mother of the Groom: It is customary for the parents of the groom to host a rehearsal dinner before the wedding. However, it is inappropriate for the mother of the bride to make the arrangements. This is your responsibility, and we suggest you have something simple and affordable, and ask your husband if he would consider paying more than half, for your son's sake.
A rehearsal dinner does not have to be fancy. Consider having a small buffet in your home, with food you can make yourself with assistance from relatives or friends. Some casseroles, with cake and punch for dessert, would be just fine.
Dear Annie: Here is another suggestion for those hospitable readers whose guests never seem to know when to leave.
My husband and I knew a gentleman who would sit back in his chair, stretch his arms behind his head and say, "I'm so tired that if I were at someone else's house, I'd go home!" It made for great laughs, and his guests always got the hint. Wendy in Moscow, Idaho
Dear Wendy: How delightful! We love it.
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