ANNIE'S MAILBOX Parents' rights place restrictions on grandparents

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Indiana Grandmother," who said grandparents have the legal right to see their grandchildren.
I am an Indiana appellate attorney with some experience in the area of grandparent visitation disputes. While Indiana, like most states, has a statute allowing grandparents to petition for visitation under some circumstances, it has become increasingly clear that the parents' constitutional right to raise their children as they see fit places significant restrictions on how such statutes may be applied.
The U.S. Supreme Court issued a decision requiring courts to presume that it is in the child's best interest if the custodial parent wants to limit or deny grandparent visitation. To obtain a visitation order, a grandparent must somehow show that this presumption is untrue. Courts must also give "special weight" to the parents' decisions and the concerns underlying them.
Litigation is a terribly damaging and counterproductive approach to grandparent visitation disputes. The children are caught in an emotional crossfire, and the financial and emotional stability of the custodial family is seriously undermined. K.W., Attorney in Indiana
Dear K.W.: Thank you for providing an expert opinion. Our readers had a lot to say about the issue. Here's more:
From California: Because of some stupid disagreement between my father and his parents, I never was allowed to know my grandparents. At the age of 37, I finally worked up the courage to contact them.
Unfortunately, my grandmother died before I had a chance to meet her. My grandfather, however, was the most adorable man, and the three years I had with him were wonderful. Please tell this grandmother that no matter what she has to do to see her grandkids, just do it. They need her, and the love and support that only a grandparent can give.
Kansas: I am the fit mother of an 8-year-old girl who is forced by the courts to visit toxic grandparents. Just because someone is a grandparent does not make her a good person. Why should the parents' right to make decisions about their child be taken away because a grandparent wants to control everyone? This will not forge a bond with a child but destroy it. Parents love their children and want what's best for them. If they do not want the grandparents around, there is probably a good reason.
Eagle Point, Ore.: I was molested by my father when I was young, and I do not want him to have any contact with my daughter, for fear that history will repeat itself. I am still trying to cope with what that man did to me. People should not jump to conclusions.
Michigan: I am a mother of two wonderful children, and I absolutely refuse to let my mother have any contact with them. My mother is psychologically and emotionally abusive. She plays favorites and treats the kids like accessories to her wardrobe. Growing up, my mother pitted my sister against me. When I realized Sis was Mom's "favorite," I was hurt, devastated, jealous and angry. I noticed my own children displaying negative behavior after visits with Grandma and realized she was treating them the same way.
When I spoke to Mom about it, she threw a tantrum, and I put my foot down. I refuse to subject my kids to that kind of emotional pain. Grandparents who are estranged should talk to the parents and find out why, and ask what they can do to reach some middle ground.
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