HOLLYWOOD COUPLES When cuteness wears thin

We're tired of Bennifer. Enough of Harrison and Calista.
By GREG MORAGO, CAROLE GOLDBERG and SUSAN CAMPBELL
HARTFORD COURANT
OK, raise your hands if you are sick of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. (That rumble you just felt and giant swoosh you heard was no doubt the turbulence created by thousands of arms darting into the atmosphere at once.) If their cheesy interview on "Dateline NBC" a few weeks ago wasn't bad enough, "Gigli" will certainly cement their status as the most overexposed, cringe-inducing, egomaniacal couple in Hollywood.
Their much-hyped, cross-pollinated interview with "Access Hollywood" wasn't just revolting in every aspect, it was promoted to the point of fanaticism. Could "Gigli" be that bad? But Bennifer isn't the only celebrity couple that makes our stomachs queasy or causes our teeth to involuntarily gnash. There are plenty of pairings out there that are equally repellent.
What we get
Where, oh where, are the truly captivating couples like Dick and Liz? Instead, the celebrity rags treat us to the latest in the lives of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith or Gwyneth Paltrow and her Coldplay boyfriend. Melanie? Gwyneth who? Give us a break. Or give us less of Affleck and Lopez. And certainly less of:
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES AND MICHAEL DOUGLAS
If only this couple were gleaming as bright as the Oscars on their mantel. But for some reason, all the air was let out of the balloon after Catherine bagged her golden man for "Chicago" (and let's not blame the baby). Douglas' "It Runs in the Family" tanked big time; so did "The In-Laws." But wifey's "Intolerable Cruelty" looks like wicked fun, which might put this A-list couple back on top of the alphabet (yeah, let her do all the work; after all, she's much, much younger!). Until then, their big teeth and big jewels seem yesterday's red carpet news.
DEMI MOORE AND ASHTON KUTCHER
We think it's just hateful that naysayers are speculating that the relationship of '80s Brat Packer Moore and film and television star Kutcher is just one more prank for Kutcher's hidden-camera show "Punk'd." We say go for it, Demi. But can you stop vacationing with your hottie and your ex? That's just too, too weird.
WHITNEY HOUSTON AND BOBBY BROWN
Do these people actually still have careers? They certainly seem to have trashed the ones they had. Bobby's now better known for rap sheets than rap. They've gone from being music world superstars to the butt of late-night talk-show jokes. Recently Conan O'Brien quipped: "Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown want to co-star in a movie in which they play musicians who are also gangsters. Not surprisingly, the movie is called 'The Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown Story.'" Lately they've been in the news for visiting Israel to meet with the Black Hebrews, a group of vegan polygamists who don't practice birth control and emigrated from the United States in 1969.
BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON
When Hillary said in her recent memoir that she wanted to wring President Bill's neck over his relationship with Monica, we wanted to wring his neck, too. And hers. And Monica's, as well, come to think of it. Enough, already!
PAMELA ANDERSON AND KID ROCK
This former Labatt's Girl seems nice enough, but please. The breast enhancement, the breast reduction, the video with Tommy, the court case, the on-again, off-again, on-again relationship with Kid. ... We're exhausted.
HARRISON FORD AND CALISTA FLOCKHART
As May-December romances go, this one takes the cake. Whenever they're photographed together -- and isn't their "No pictures; please respect our privacy" schtick just a little tired? -- they look like a grampaw taking his granddaughter out for ice cream. The star luster has clearly worn to a dull, matte-finish with these two. "Hollywood Homicide"? C'mon, that was an Edsel, Ford! And Flockhart's Ally-isms grew tiring two years before "McBeal" was canceled. A wedding -- something big and messy that People magazine will drool over -- seems the most logical next move.
KOBE AND VANESSA BRYANT
He said. She said. He apologized for cheatin', but we fear even nastier revelations. He cried. She tried to be supportive. He bought her some bling-bling. She bought his explanation. Guess it's easier to stand by your man with a $4 million ring on your hand.
SUSAN SARANDON AND TIM ROBBINS
Great as it is to have a couple unafraid to exercise their right to free speech -- and it is great -- it's beginning to feel as if Mr. and Mrs. Bull Durham are spreading themselves kind of thin. They're all over the place -- opposing the government on Iraq; supporting the new high school for gay, lesbian and transgendered kids in New York City; and who knows what else. Time to give somebody else the bullhorn before their ever-present progressiveness becomes so reflexive that it diminishes its effect.
DICK AND LYNNE CHENEY
Can we just say it? Policy wonks on either side of the aisle annoy us greatly. What do they talk about in private? Supply-side economics? We don't think married couples in government, as they insist in public, "share a vision." We think they "lack a hobby."
JENNIFER ANISTON AND BRAD PITT
We're relieved to know that Matt LeBlanc's Joey Tribbiani will have life after "Friends." Because if it were Aniston's whiny "Rachel," we might just go postal. How can anyone so annoying on TV be so watchable on the big screen? Speaking of which, what's up with Brad's career? In the pit? He's not that cute. In fact, neither is she. A little of Jen and Brad goes a long, long, long way.