KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Nobody did anything to help 'Marie'

Dear Annie: I was recently at an office meeting that was called for and chaired by "Marie," one of my co-workers. Her boss, "James," sat in, which was not unusual.
During the meeting, Marie brought up a topic that unexpectedly enraged James. He began screaming at Marie, and then it got really personal. He pointed out all her personality flaws and told her she'd "better fix them." Much of what he said was true, but we all have flaws, and Marie has no more than the rest of us. She is an extremely knowledgeable person, and we are lucky to have her.
James' nastiness went on and on, and Marie couldn't get a word in edgewise, although she somehow managed to maintain her self-control and dignity throughout the attack. I'm ashamed to admit that none of us did anything to support her. I was afraid James would turn the attack on me, which would damage my working relationship with him and his associates.
If I should find myself in this situation again, what is the right thing to do to support the person without jeopardizing my job? Co-Worker in Vermont
Dear Vermont: James sounds like a horse's patoot and should not be in a position of authority. Whatever grudge he's holding, he showed immaturity and lack of control by taking it out on Marie in front of her co-workers.
Under more normal circumstances, it helps to interrupt and say, "I think we are getting off track here," and then immediately move the conversation back to its professional purpose. However, it sounds as if James was semihysterical, and it may not have been possible to stop his tirade. The best you can do now is offer Marie your apologies and sympathy, and be supportive of however she decides to handle it.
Dear Annie: Last week, my husband and I went to a funeral. The minute it was over, "Carl" spent 10 minutes checking the phone messages on his cellphone. At lunch afterward, Carl stood in the parking lot and checked his messages again. When we drove my aunt home, we sat in front of her house while Carl did this one more time. When I got tired of waiting, I offered to drive, but Carl immediately began driving and talking on the phone simultaneously, which scared us all to death.
What can you do about a person who refuses to admit that he is absolutely obsessed by the telephone? Kansas Caller
Dear Kansas: You can't do much. Ask "Mr. Big Shot" not to drive while he's holding the cellphone, which may be against the law in your state soon if it isn't already. Then explain that making others wait around while he checks his messages is inconsiderate and annoying, and ask that he please keep it to a minimum.
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