Ask not why she stayed, ask how you can help

Ask not why she stayed, ask how you can help
EDITOR:
As we mark October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I would like to address probably the question most frequently asked of battering victims and persons working to help battered women. The question that most people ask is, "Why doesn't she leave?"
Let me tell you about a typical Monday morning at the Youngstown Police Department's Crisis Intervention Unit. A woman walks into the office after a long weekend. Her face looks as if someone had used it for a punching bag. Her eyes are black, her nose broken, and her lip swollen to the point that it covers half of her face. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and says, "Sgt. Casey, I am a battered women. I am afraid of my husband, I love my husband. We have three children together and they need their father. I don't have a job. My church says we should stay together for the sake of the family. Besides, the last time I tried to get help, he told me he would kill me. When I called for help, the police and the courts told me if I didn't like being battered, why didn't I leave?"
This line of questioning implies that asking "why women stay" is more important than asking why men batter? Focusing on the victim often results in absolving the offender of his wrongdoing and blaming the victim for being abused. This question makes a judgment and it transforms a social problem into a personal transaction, and at the same time pins responsibility squarely on the victims. This line of questioning also ignores the fact that many women do leave abusive relationships.
There are many economic, social and psychological reasons why it is difficult for battered women to leave abusive relationships. Marriage is often viewed as a life-long commitment, regardless of the abuse suffered at the hands of the husband. Keeping the marriage together is frequently viewed as a duty and the woman's responsibility.
The role of fear cannot be too heavily emphasized. A battered woman has every reason to believe that her batterer's threats to harm or kill her, their children or her parents are real.
Please do not ask, "Why didn't she leave?" Help her get out by asking, "What can I do?"
Det./Sgt. DELPHINE BALDWIN-CASEY
Youngstown Police Department
Crisis Intervention Unit
Look at what you've got
EDITOR:
I read in The Vindicator that all Youngstown had to do was look to its past to regain a healthy self image. This is ridiculous.
Look at what you have now!
Mill Creek Park and its rose gardens. I have been told by an out of state relative that Mill Creek Park is more beautiful than the parks in London, Paris and Rome. He has been to all those places. He also said we were setting in God's lap and didn't know it.
Butler Institute of American Art. What other town your size has an art museum in this class?
The Arms Museum.
Youngstown Symphony Orchestra, which was started by two Youngstown teenage boys in a garage. They were Carmen and Mike Ficocelli.
The Powers Auditorium, built by the Warner Brothers, who were born in this area and were the first to do movies with sound.
Youngstown State University and its Dana School of Music, which produced many great singers who get no recognition here but are heard around the world.
You had Idora Park, but that slipped through your hands. Please don't ignore what you have left.
All that, plus people whowould very much like to see Youngstown advertising its good assets instead of always going back to the '40s and the Mob.
JOSEPHINE CIAVARELLA
Mineral Ridge