KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox She's tired of tolerating husband's sexual addiction

Dear Annie: My husband, "Ralph," and I have been married for six years. Four months after our wedding, Ralph was arrested for patronizing a prostitute. This devastated me, especially since I was pregnant with our first child.
Ralph recognizes that he has a sexual addiction, and he has been in counseling for several weeks. According to the counselor, he is doing well. According to me, he is not. Many of his behaviors, such as soliciting phone sex and pornography, have stopped. But often, he will "go for a drive" at night and come home after 2 a.m. I'm not sure where he's been, but I can guess.
I have discussed these little road trips with him numerous times. Ralph admits his addiction sometimes gets the better of him. How long do I keep tolerating this for the sake of his therapy? Helpless in Indiana
Dear Helpless: Are you in counseling? If not, you should be. Also, you need to be tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases. Ralph's behavior puts you at serious risk.
Ralph is making progress in his therapy, and consequently, the therapist believes Ralph is doing well. However, you need more reassurance that Ralph will eventually be able to control his behavior completely. Talk to Ralph's therapist, and find out how realistic your expectations are, and whether or not you are willing to live with the answer.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have a 15-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter. We are planning a two-week winter vacation at a Caribbean resort. We've booked two rooms, but now we are trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements. Should the men share one room and the women the other? I want to sleep with my husband, but that would mean our kids would be in a room together. Is that OK?
Three rooms would be much too expensive for us to manage. How would you suggest we handle this? Waterbury, Conn.
Dear Waterbury: Some families have no objection to putting teenage children of the opposite sex in the same room. If you do, your options are: Share space with your daughter while your husband sleeps with your son; ask the hotel if it has a divider or folding screen that will allow each of your children some privacy (you might also ask about rigging up your own divider with sheets, if it does not damage the hotel room); or plan your vacation with another couple that has the same dilemma. Have fun!
Dear Annie: Some friends and I are engaged in a heated discussion regarding the proper terms for extended family relatives. Can you please help us sort through this relationship status?
How does one become removed? What is my cousin's daughter's children's relationship to me? Are they third cousins or cousins thrice removed? We have searched long and hard for the answers. Jan in New Hampshire
Dear Jan: Here's how it works:
Your children and the children of your first cousin are second cousins. Your grandchildren and her grandchildren are third cousins. You, however, remain a first cousin to all of her descendants -- a first cousin once removed to her children, and a first cousin twice removed to her grandchildren, and so on.
We're taking a nap now.
Happy Hanukkah to all our Jewish readers!
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