KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Parents aren't keeping word to newlyweds

Dear Annie: I was married last August. The day after our brief honeymoon, my parents moved in with us because the construction on their new home had been delayed and they had no place to live.
My parents agreed to pay for the groceries and the electric bill. Both of my parents are retired, and they stay home with the television and computers running all day. We have yet to receive any money toward the electric bill, and I finally asked my mother if she had forgotten to pay us. She replied that we had turned off the air conditioning and she was uncomfortable and sweaty, so in protest, they were not going to pay for the electricity. My husband and I often turn off the air conditioning when the weather is nice and because we don't care for it. (And it's cheaper, too.)
I am extremely upset with my parents. They live rent-free and increase my water and electric bills. They also buy only those groceries they like, and my husband and I rarely have anything to eat unless we buy it ourselves. Are we making a big deal out of nothing? Newcastle, Ontario
Dear Ontario: Your parents are not keeping up their end of the agreement. Of course they should reimburse you for the electric bill. They also should be buying groceries from a prepared list that includes foods all of you enjoy.
If your folks resent paying for these things, ask what they feel is fair, and work out an accommodation. Unless they are in financial straits, they should not expect a free ride. P.S.: Let's hope the construction on their house moves swiftly.
Dear Annie: I like to get my Christmas shopping done early so I can enjoy the holiday without battling the crowds. Every October, I ask our children to make a list of things they would like. I then select items from that list. I always tell my husband what I bought and where the presents are hidden, so he can be part of the gift-giving excitement.
This year, he really blew it. Yesterday, our 13-year-old son asked his father what he was getting for Christmas, and Daddy told him! When I found out, I hit the roof. What should I do? Married to a Big Mouth in Simsbury, Conn.
Dear Simsbury: Obviously, your husband gets too excited and cannot be trusted to keep his mouth shut. It's OK that your son knows what he's getting. Maybe he'll regret that his surprise was spoiled and not ask again next year. Meanwhile, tell your husband about the gifts the day before they are opened. He will still be a part of the process, but he won't have to hold on to the secret as long.
Dear Annie: I'd like to respond to the letter from the mother who said her daughter isn't ready for marriage because her home is a mess.
I grew up in a dirty house, but it was full of love. Mom was a single parent raising two girls. She was also a teacher, a volunteer at a domestic violence shelter, and she sang weekly in a barbershop quartet.
When I married, I tried very hard to keep my home from looking like my mother's. One day, I was near tears over the mess, when my best friend asked if I thought a clean house measured my worth as a mother. She also asked if I thought my mother was a bad parent. Of course I said "no" to both.
If this woman's daughter is happy with her life, Mom should be happy for her. Happiness is hard to find. A cleaning woman isn't. Mother of Three
Dear Mother of Three: You are absolutely right. Thanks for saying so.
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