KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Reader thinks advice to 'No Love' was lousy
Dear Annie: This is in regard to "No Love, No Name, No Town." His wife hasn't had sex with him in over 16 years, but he is willing to stay with her out of a sense of loyalty and to cover her health insurance. She has given him permission to have sex with other women. He sounds like a saint, and all you can say is "masturbate and see a counselor"?
From experience, I can tell you she won't see a counselor. And why on earth would he want to spend $200 an hour to see a counselor on his own? These two people should live separately. Then he can have a life of his own, and she will still have insurance coverage. Plus, if he saves $200 a week by not going for therapy, he can spend it on a prostitute twice a month and relieve his physical needs.
A person doesn't have to be married to be happy. Also Married Without Sex
Dear Married Without Sex: We were bombarded with mail on this one, and most writers agreed with you. OK, our advice could have been better. "No Love" said he didn't want to divorce his wife, and we are not about to condone extramarital sex, no matter how justified. However, a legal separation would allow them to live apart, which would include dating others, and she can continue to receive the financial benefits of remaining on his health insurance. He ought to see a lawyer and set it up. Here's more on the subject (at least the letters fit to print in a family newspaper):
From Boston: Your answer to "No Name" was morally correct, but it lacked reality. He and his wife have not shared a bedroom for over 16 years. Their children are not stupid. We all want to believe our marriages can be saved, but that is not always the case. They need to get off their butts and get a divorce.
Anytown, U.S.A.: That man is either a saint or a fool, and his wife may as well be a nun. Your advice was absurd. The idea that "masturbation will take care of" his sexual needs is ludicrous. If that were the case, we could do away with women altogether -- or at least the two of you, who really blew the call on this one.
Durham, N.C.: I left a loveless marriage after seven bad years and met the love of my life four years ago. These people might still meet someone and be happy instead of living a miserable existence because they are too afraid to go it alone or don't want to pay for health insurance.
Brooklyn, N.Y.: Are you for real? "No Name" needs to see a divorce lawyer immediately and get rid of that selfish cold fish. Let her fend for herself. She obviously never cared about what unhealthy, emotional turmoil she put him through as long as he left her alone.
Chicago: That was terrible advice you gave that poor man who is so love-starved for affection. He should divorce his wife and enjoy the years he has left before it's too late. I am sure they could cut back on other things and spring for major medical insurance for her until she is eligible for Medicare. Life is too short to do without love.
New York: Masturbation should be a quick fix, not a life sentence. Sex is very important in a marriage. How many men want to go to a counselor and say, "My wife doesn't want sex anymore. Can you turn her back into what she used to be?" If he doesn't want to divorce her, he should accept her offer to have sex with other women and not feel guilty about it.
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