PARENTING Don't put off dealing with procrastinating kids
By STEPHANIE DUNNEWIND
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
Many parents tire of nagging their children to do their homework, clean their rooms, write a thank-you note to Grandma or get dressed for school on time.
Some dawdling is expected. But a chronic "I'll do it later" attitude is a bad habit parents should -- and can -- eradicate, says Rita Emmett in "The Procrastinating Child: A Handbook for Adults to Help Children Stop Putting Things Off" (Walker & amp; Co.; $10.95).
"Children are considered to be procrastinators if they frequently need to be reminded, yet they still don't do what they're supposed to do or they finally do it only after a nightmare of tears, arguments or some other kind of emotional upheaval," Emmett explains.
Her book looks at the root causes of procrastination, such as lack of motivation, feeling overwhelmed, hating the task itself, disorganization and perfectionism.
Although what kids balk on may differ, the whys remain the same regardless of age, notes Emmett, who also wrote "The Procrastinator's Handbook" for adults.
"Procrastination is neither a personality trait nor a character flaw," she asserts. "It is simply a habit, and we can all change our habits."
Enforcement
Parents need to be willing to set rewards or penalties for kids who might otherwise be indifferent to a task. "Your response has to be, 'I'm not asking you to care. If you want the privilege of watching TV, get your chores done. If you want the privilege of driving a car, get your homework in on time and have it done well. That's the deal. You don't have to care.'"
Besides making life easier for themselves, parents who help children overcome procrastination will likely see a rise in their kids' self-esteem and self-confidence.
Here are some of Emmett's tips for curtailing children's procrastination:
USet rules requiring children to finish chores and tasks right away. For example, "No TV until homework is done."
UReinforce positives so kids don't procrastinate to receive negative attention. For example, a child might learn that if he does his homework when asked, it goes in his backpack with little comment. If he waits, however, he knows he'll get Mom's attention when she helps him finish at the last minute.
ULet children suffer the consequences of procrastination. Don't stay up late completing a science project they put off, for example, or do their chores for them because it's more work to hassle them about it.
UGive them motivation for completing a task or list of tasks without reminders. Let the child brainstorm rewards, which could include TV or computer time, car rides to activities, time with an adult, a trip to the park or other outing, an overnight stay with friends, telephone time, toys or clothes. Match the size of the reward to the accomplishment.
UBrag about your child's new behavior of getting things done when he can overhear you.
UDon't become defensive when your child's school or other organizations enforce rules. If the band requires members to practice and your daughter doesn't, then help her either make that a priority or accept the results.
UHelp children break down a large job into smaller tasks to do one at a time. A child faced with a messy room is easily overwhelmed. Suggest he start by picking up all the clothes, then toys, then papers, for example. Make lists and encourage kids to cross items off when they complete them.
UReward the steps. If a child has a long-term project, such as reading a book and doing a report, reward him for starting well ahead of time by taking him out for a small treat when he's halfway through the book.
USet a timer and work on one priority for a given amount of time (which will vary by the child's age and attention span). No breaks allowed, but reward your child when he's done.
ULet children do work in their own way, even if it's not your style.
UWhen possible, make the task more fun. Sing, work together, make it a game ("How many toys can you pick up in 10 minutes?"), videotape or record a practice session, etc.
UAddress their excuses. They don't know how to do something? Show them how or hire a tutor. They forgot? Buy a calendar or post a list of duties. Too busy? Help them set priorities -- schoolwork before playing with friends, for example.