KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Cemetery flowers are of grave concern

Dear Annie: My grandparents raised me. Grandma knew she wasn't the only woman in Grandpa's life, but she always said she didn't mind because her name came first on his life insurance.
I was a teenager when Grandpa died. Twice a month, Grandma would visit his grave and place flowers there. Sometimes I would accompany her, and always, to my surprise, there was another floral arrangement on his gravesite when we arrived.
This cemetery is not on a well-traveled road, nor are there any houses close by. Obviously, somebody was making a special trip to leave flowers. When I asked Grandma about it, she'd reply, "Well, someone is looking after Grandpa, and he is well cared for."
When Grandma passed away several years ago, I became responsible for maintaining the gravesite. Now, when I visit the cemetery, Grandma's side of the headstone has only the flowers that I bring, but Grandpa's side always has several fresh flowers on it. I assume it's one of Grandpa's "other women" who is bringing the flowers regularly.
Is this type of grave decorating acceptable, or should the "giver" get permission from the family before doing it? J.J. in Emporia, Kan.
Dear J.J.: There are no etiquette rules restricting nonfamily members from paying their respects with flowers. You seem to have the situation figured out, but if it didn't bother your grandmother, it should not bother you. As Grandma said, "Grandpa is well cared for."
Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our mid-20s and have remained close with most of our high school friends. My birthday is two days before Christmas, and we celebrate by having a joint Christmas/reunion party. We enjoy this time with our friends, but buying Christmas presents for 15-20 people (not to mention our families) is becoming a major economic strain.
My husband and I are currently saving to buy our first home, and I am sure others in the group are wondering when the gift-giving practice will end. I am unsure as to how, or if, I should suggest no gifts this year. I don't want my friends to think we are cheap, but I truly do not have the extra money. Please help. Illinois Quandary
Dear Illinois: Your friends are no doubt in the same position as you, and will probably be relieved to skip the presents. Make some phone calls or send a group e-mail to your friends, and suggest that instead of the usual gift giving this year, everyone should make a private donation to their favorite charity. It will allow them to give as much or as little as they can afford, and it will go to a worthy cause.
Dear Annie: In a recent column, a mother wrote about her child's eczema. When my daughter was little, her eczema was not helped by anything, including fewer baths and applying prescription creams. My pediatrician finally said, "Here's the last resort -- mothers hate it. Coat her in 100-percent vegetable oil and then put her in those pajamas that cover everything so she can't get it on the furniture."
I tried it, and it worked. She still uses this technique in the winter. When her hands get dry and scaly, she soaks them in oil and wears cotton gloves to bed. The vitamin K in the oil also promotes healthy skin. (Although when I use it, I always get a craving for french fries.) Please tell your readers. Omaha, Neb.
Dear Omaha: Consider them told. This technique seems harmless, but before trying any new "cure," readers should consult a doctor first. Thanks for writing.
Creators Syndicate