KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Bipolar daughter is difficult to live with

Dear Annie: We have a 23-year-old daughter who is bipolar. "Nancy" has no job, no skills and has had so many automobile accidents that even if we could afford to give her a car, we wouldn't.
Nancy gave birth to a baby boy last year, and she has no child support from the father because she insists she has no idea who the father is. She lives with us, but we're fed up with the situation. Nancy does nothing to help around the house, and she's difficult to live with. Were it not for our grandson, we'd throw her out.
Is there some kind of group home where the two of them could live? Do places like this take bipolar women with children? Please help us before we do something drastic. Mother in Orlando, Fla.
Dear Mother: Is Nancy seeing a psychiatrist? She may not be receiving proper treatment for her illness. You should meet with her doctor and discuss the situation. If Nancy is unable to work, she may be eligible for a group home, but she needs to discuss it with her doctor or a social worker who is familiar with the available community services.
Also, write to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, 730 North Franklin Street, Chicago, Ill. 60610-7204 (www.dbsalliance.org), or call the toll-free number: (800) 826-3632. This excellent organization can provide information, suggestions and emotional support for your family. Please contact them today.
Dear Annie: My mother is 78 years old, and although she isn't in the best of health, she's doing OK. Unfortunately, she wants everyone to believe she is at death's door. Whenever I call or visit, all she does is complain about one pain or another. Talking to her has become impossible.
What can I say to make her realize that this is hitting on my last nerve? I appreciate that Mom has not had an easy life. My father was an abuser who left her for another woman after 52 years of marriage. I know she is lonely, but enough is enough. Any suggestions? Puzzled in Memphis, Tenn.
Dear Puzzled: Your mother obviously needs a lot of attention, and playing sick is one way to get it. Having someone listen to her complaints makes her feel important and respected. Be as sympathetic as you can, and when you have had enough, change the subject or say, "Sorry, but I have to run now, Mom. See you later." It may not alter her behavior, but it will alleviate some of your aggravation.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 10 years and just purchased our first home. I am very excited about the move and am planning a housewarming party. One of my co-workers asked where I was registered. Am I supposed to register somewhere? I could use a few things to pull the place together, but I expected to do my own shopping in order to show off the place for the party.
When my husband and I married 10 years ago, we received dishes, linens, glassware and bath towels from friends and family. We could use a few new ones. Are we supposed to ask for them again? Sweet Home in Baton Rouge, La.
Dear Sweet: Please don't. In spite of what some people think, it is not appropriate to behave as if you expected presents for a housewarming party. The gifts you received when you married were intended to start you off in life. People should not have to replace them every few years because the originals have worn out.
Some folks will want to give you housewarming gifts. Be sure to thank them graciously. And do enjoy your new home.
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