KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Flood of donation requests irritates reader

Dear Annie: Every month I get requests to donate money to various charities. I am on Social Security and limited as to how much I can give away.
There are several special organizations that I donate to, but most solicitations are thrown away. You would think after years of ignoring them, they would take me off their mailing lists. Instead, I am flooded with calendars, T-shirts, umbrellas, watches, and enough return address labels to last me until I am 500 years old.
One organization put coins in the envelope, saying, "This 15 cents will feed a child for a day." Well, if it can, why are they sending it to me? They send out hundreds of these, throwing money away instead of helping those who need it.
I have written a few of these organizations and asked them to take me off their lists, but it does no good. I figure I'm stuck forever, so thanks for letting me blow off steam. J.M. in Warren, Pa.
Dear J.M.: You might not be as stuck as you think. If writing directly to the organization gets you nowhere, try writing to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association, P.O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, N.Y. 11735-9008. Type or print your full name, address, city, state and zip code, and ask them to remove you from their mailing lists. Good luck.
Dear Annie: My husband and I recently celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. Our daughter gave a party in our honor, and we received many nice gifts. One of the gifts was a set of beautiful silver candlesticks from my daughter's in-laws. I immediately wrote them a lovely thank-you note.
My dilemma is whether to keep the gift or exchange it for something I could really use. The candlesticks are beautiful, but there is no place in our house to display them, and I would never use them. It seems a complete waste to keep a lovely gift in a box forever.
I would feel better if I could exchange the candlesticks for a new comforter or something else for the house. My daughter's in-laws rarely visit our home, and it is unlikely they would ever notice. However, if they asked me directly, I could not lie.
If I exchange the candlesticks, should I tell them now, or take a chance and keep my mouth shut? Omaha, Neb.
Dear Omaha: Once a gift is given, the recipient can do with it whatever he or she likes, including exchanging it. Surely, your daughter's in-laws wanted to give you something you would enjoy. Say nothing now, but if they should inquire about the gift, tell them, "The candlesticks were lovely, but we couldn't do them justice. I hope you don't mind that we exchanged them for a beautiful comforter. We think of you every time we see it."
Dear Annie: Thank you for telling people not to use "M.D." in social settings. I have a client who is a clinical psychologist. She insists that I refer to her as "doctor," even though she calls me by my first name. As an attorney, I also have a doctorate, but I would never demand that people address me that way. Lawyers seem much more sensible in this respect than other professionals. Mrs. in Honolulu
Dear Mrs.: People who work hard for a professional degree seem to think it ought to be used all the time. Here's the etiquette rule: Medical doctors are permitted to use their title in all situations if they wish, but other degrees should be used in professional settings only. To insist on the title socially is more than a little pretentious, unless you are attending a function where everyone's title is used.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@tbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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