KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox 'Jack' isn't ready for a lifetime commitment

Dear Annie: I have been with my soul mate, "Jack," for the past six years. We have shared many happy moments and supported each other during the rough times. I am 26 years old, and am ready to get married and begin a family.
Jack says he loves me and hopes to marry me someday, but I have not yet received a proposal. I confronted him about it the other day, and he told me he wasn't ready to make a lifetime commitment. He said if I loved him, I would wait patiently.
I have been waiting for six years, and nothing has come of it. I'm running out of time. I love this man deeply, and our love is strong, but I worry that I am fooling myself. Friends have told me if Jack hasn't proposed by now, he never will. I don't want to wait forever. What should I do? Still Waiting in Covina, Calif.
Dear Covina: If you are 26 and have been with Jack for six years, that means you started seeing him when you were 20, which is mighty young to be making a lifetime commitment. Jack may be concerned that he will have missed out on something, and if he settles down now, he might regret it in the future.
Tell Jack exactly how you feel. If he is unwilling to commit, it might be best if you both agree to start seeing other people. Once Jack sees that you are not a "sure thing," he may change his mind. If not, at least you won't be wasting your time.
Dear Annie: I married a smoker. I was willing to put up with the health risks, but we now have a 2-year-old child. I have asked "Roy" multiple times not to smoke around our son, but I still catch him sneaking around, puffing away. I am at my wits' end. Please help me. Need Fresh Air in Cleveland
Dear Cleveland: Smoking is highly addictive and difficult to give up. You cannot force a smoker to quit -- he has to be motivated on his own. Studies have shown that parents who smoke put their children at greater risk for asthma and other respiratory problems. Not to mention the fact that children of smokers are much more likely to become smokers themselves.
Ask Roy to make a greater effort to quit, and encourage him to look into books, videos, organizations or other resources that can help him reach his goal. If he refuses to kick the habit, or is unable to do so, keep the house well-ventilated, and insist that he smoke outside.
Dear Annie: What is a man supposed to do when he dates a "modern and independent" woman with respect to picking up the tab? I have been dating "Marcia," who, like me, is a young, urban professional. Our incomes are somewhat similar, although she makes slightly more money than I do.
Whenever we go out for dinner or to a movie, I pick up the bill at least 80 percent of the time. I also surprise Marcia on occasion with flowers or chocolates. I do all of this out of affection, despite the fact that I am in the process of buying a new home and am under a great deal of financial strain.
Marcia tells me that the men she's dated always paid for everything and I am "cheap." I have told her that women I've dated insisted on taking turns picking up the bill. What are the "rules" these days? Very Confused in Calgary, Alberta
Dear Calgary: If you are making equal salaries (or she makes more), you should take turns paying. Since some people are uncomfortable with that solution, however, the woman can reciprocate by inviting the gentleman for home-cooked meals and treating him to concert tickets and the like. Either way, she should not expect a free ride.
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