PATRICIA MEADE Reporters anxiously wait for welder's testimony

Where is the 600-pound aluminum welder, a key witness in U.S. Rep. James A. Traficant Jr.'s racketeering trial?
The congressman said last Monday that the trailer he rented to bring the machine to U.S. District Court broke down on the Ohio Turnpike. A wheel bearing on the trailer, crushed by the welder's weight, started smoking.
U.S. District Judge Lesley Brooks Wells then looked Traficant dead in the eyes each morning and asked for a "welder update."
Each morning, Traficant gave everyone hope that the welder, now famous, would arrive. By late afternoon each day, he regrettably reported to Judge Wells that the welder didn't show, but he was working on it.
Aside from grumbling about paying another day's trailer rent, Traficant was evasive last week about the welder's whereabouts, leading to wild speculation.
Questions: What if the welder escaped, unwilling to respond to Traficant's subpoena, reporters wondered?
The welder wouldn't be the first defense witness to duck the congressman's subpoenas.
What if the welder isn't the REAL welder mentioned in the trial and knows the government will check the serial number?
What if something sinister happened?
Sinister meaning something too scary to think about unless the lights are on and you're not alone.
What if the welder was, gulp, kidnapped?
As each day passed, the drama grew. Traficant was visibly shaken by the probing question reporters shouted to him after court each day: "CONGRESSMAN, WHERE'S THE WELDER!?"
He'd walk faster, tipping forward in his cowboy boots, and change the subject.
The congressman isn't happy that a TV van has set up a surveillance post on Rockwell Avenue behind the courthouse. From that vantage point, the reporter and photographer inside the van have an unobstructed view of the side entrance to the courthouse.
They'll be able to see when the welder arrives and the service elevator concealed under the sidewalk rises to street level to let in the trial's most anticipated witness.
The reporter and photographer sit on the edge of their seats each day -- ready to jump from the van to grab an exclusive interview with the hulking machine manufactured in New Jersey.
The news-hounds better have on bulletproof vests -- federal snipers have been spotted on the courthouse roof, ready to pick off any unauthorized civilians crazy enough to try to get near the prized welder-witness.
What's planned: Once the welder does arrive, the team of U.S. marshals who have been on high alert will set into motion the elaborate arrangements designed for the welder's comfort and safety.
The welder will be secluded in the courthouse's dark and creepy basement until Traficant, the prosecution team, judge, jury and press can visit the machine in the dark and creepy basement.
A bazillionaire says he gave the $2,900 welder to Traficant as a gift so the congressman could have someone make an aluminum trailer for him and his horses to sleep in on road trips.
The congressman says that -- HORSE COOKIES -- he turned the welder over to a guy in Vienna who was supposed to make aluminum stuff stick together for the bazillionaire's company.
A source close to the welder contacted The Vindicator late Saturday night, offering an exclusive interview.
The reporter agreed to be blindfolded for the journey to the welder's secret hideout. The distinct smell of horse cookies was detected.
The welder's interpreter, who speaks fluent New Jerseyese, said the welder, called Flash by his friends, is understandably upset by his growing notoriety.
Flash is also agitated that trial testimony has shown he's NEVER BEEN USED.
He's downright mortified that that tidbit got out.
How can he face his pals now? It's been bad enough trying to explain not being in a factory but stored in that Vienna guy's garage.
Newspapers from coast to coast, radio stations WTAM and WKBN, CNN, C-SPAN, FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS, Court TV, MSNBC and Comedy Central have relentlessly pursued Flash for an interview. The Fox Channel's "Hannity & amp; Colmes" has been especially persistent, since Traficant is one of their favorite guests.
Flash's concerns: The pressure, Flash said through his interpreter, is horrible. He feels threatened and intimidated.
Flash is also emotionally distraught because his weight has been so widely reported. He wants everyone to know that the 600 pounds INCLUDES ATTACHMENTS!
Flash says he's ready to do his civic duty and testify but that breakdown on the turnpike kinda rearranged some of his parts. He still has a painful dent on a lower extremity from sliding sideways on the trailer.
He calmed down after being told that he would stay in the basement and not have to be wheeled through the court to the witness box.
He was, you see, concerned about not fitting. He has girth issues.
Flash said he doesn't know when, or if, he'll travel to Cleveland. The congressman, Flash said, tape-recorded an interview with him, so maybe that will suffice. He hopes so.
The Vindicator didn't have the heart to tell Flash that Judge Wells has tossed Traficant's audiotapes like a Frisbee.
The Vindicator asked Flash whether, if he does make it to court, he intends to invoke his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination -- it's been all the rage in the trial.
Nah, Flash said, he has nothing to hide.
The Vindicator told Flash that Traficant is bound to ask if the FBI wanted him to wear a wire.
Flash looked puzzled -- at least that's how his interpreter interpreted the goofy way some of his gauges reacted to the question.
Flash said he's got his own wires, why would he have to wear one for the FBI?
XPatricia Meade, crime reporter for The Vindicator, has been covering the Traficant trial.