GAIL WHITE Strange phone phenomenon targets busy moms

I believe my telephone has a magnet in it.
It is a magnet that attracts children. The force field of this magnet is only charged when the phone rings and is for me.
Without fail, every time I answer the phone, and it is actually for me, a child, whom I have not seen for hours, approaches with a very important question that he must ask me right now.
For a time, I thought it was mere coincidence that this irritating phenomenon kept occurring.
My children just happened to need me in those few moments after the phone rang for me.
Then, I determined they were purposely trying to annoy me.
The magnetic charge seems to prompt questions in their minds like: "Can I have a birthday party?" This comes from a child whose birthday is no less that four months away.
Other questions the magnet seems to draw from their minds: "Can I get a guinea pig?" and "How many days until Christmas?"
I believe the magnet also makes them hungry. Undoubtedly, moments after I say "Hello," one of my children is dying of starvation. (They do a very convincing imitation of dying of starvation.)
New rule
To stop the barrage of questions, I made the "if-the-body-is-not-broken-or-the-house-is-not-on-fire-do-not-disturb-me rule."
This rule proved to be quite effective; their voices were silenced.
But the magnetic field of the ringing of the phone was strong. The urge to suddenly communicate with mom when the phone was to her ear was too great.
The "do-not-disturb rule" prompted attempts in sign language. This brought an onslaught of strange body gyrations.
"Where," one child signs with his arms stretched out to nowhere.
"Are," he continues, contorting his body into the shape of an "R."
"We," he points back and forth from him to me.
"Going," he walks two fingers up his arm.
"For," shows the number four.
"???," completely incomprehensible gesture.
"Next year?" points to calendar.
The gestures have taken 10 times longer than simply asking the question. I have missed the last three minutes of phone conversation, and I am still not completely sure what he wants to know.
The "next year" clause clues me in that it is not an immediate need, so I point sharply at the door. The child hangs his head and leaves.
A sympathetic mother
I found out my phone is not the only one with a magnet in it.
Loucynthia Rossi-Kittrell of Liberty has wondered about the strange phone phenomenon for years.
The magnetic charge in her phone works differently than mine.
Loucynthia's phone repels children in what she refers to as the "anytime I-get-on-the-phone-my-toddler-takes-off-in-the-other-direction syndrome."
"The minute I get on the phone, she is gone," Loucynthia explains, "usually to my bedroom or her brother's."
Whenever 9-year-old Troy is missing something, his 3-year-old sister, Allison, is where he searches first.
"The last time I carried on a long conversation, my daughter came to me with body lotion up to her elbows and in her hair," Loucynthia laments.
As she stood in horror wondering how to clean up her daughter, the little angel asked innocently, "Can you just rub this in?"
Nationwide phenomenon
Reassuring Loucynthia that she is not alone in her plight, I told her of a friend of mine in Pittsburgh.
While on the phone troubleshooting a computer glitch at work, her son found a set of markers and colored his entire private area bright purple.
Apparently, the phone magnet has a creative charge as well.
The insanity involved in simply trying to have adult conversation on the phone can be overwhelming. Yet, Loucynthia says, "I'm glad I'm home because I would miss out on all the entertainment!"
As for me, I am going to figure out how to discharge the magnet in my phone. Then, I'm going to work on the one I believe is in my toilet.
gwhite@vindy.com