GAIL WHITE Luckily, the West was too wild for this family

"We're heading out West," my husband announced after dinner one evening.
Immediately, my body stiffened and my head began to pound.
"Tomorrow?" I asked weakly.
In all the years we have been married, my husband has never planned a vacation. I have packed in an hour for a weekend camping trip. I can be ready for a week at the beach in less than a day. Once, I packed for a weeklong trip to "Maine or Florida, wherever the road leads us."
But a trip out West on short notice? I wasn't so sure I could swing it.
"No, July," Pat responded with a tone as if I was crazy.
My body relaxed and the pounding in my head immediately stopped.
Marriage milestone
Then it hit me -- my husband was planning a vacation. This was a milestone in our marriage.
After a lengthy Internet search with four boys crowded around him, the milestone passed us by.
Apparently, everyone planning an "out West" Yellowstone National Park vacation this year planned it three years ago.
The luxury condos were booked. The not-so-luxurious homes were unavailable. All that was left was a cabin or two with absolutely no luxury -- except a thin wooden wall to protect us from the Yellowstone wildlife.
Pat was not giving up.
"Call these numbers," he told me the next morning before leaving for work. "These are towns around Yellowstone. See what you can find out."
What I found out was that the towns around Yellowstone are booked as well, except for the same no-luxury cabins available in the park. Sensing Pat's desperation, I didn't tell him about these.
That evening, he ran into a friend who had taken his family out West last year.
He came home with the report, "He said it's a LONG drive out there." He thought for a minute and added, "And they only have two kids."
Family fun?
Meanwhile, a brochure from Dome Mountain Ranch in Paradise Valley, Mont., arrived in the mail. (A product of the Internet search.)
"Nestled in the heart of the Rocky Mountains, a few minutes from Yellowstone National Park," the brochure read, "with a breathtaking view of a log home on the foothills of the mountains."
"Dome Mountain Family Special" caught Pat's eye as he read through the information that evening.
"Listen to this," he said, reading the details. "Package includes two half-day trail rides, a day of mountain biking adventure in the Beartooth Wilderness, a guided tour of Yellowstone National Park and a day of guided hiking through the wilds of Dome Mountain to the Legendary Red Mountain Camp."
I had stopped listening after the "biking adventure in the Beartooth Wilderness."
Why is it called Beartooth? I wondered to myself.
Exactly how much wilderness is there?
Thinking of my children riding bikes through this wild world of bears and their teeth was too much for me to contemplate.
I gathered my thoughts as Pat finished reading the brochure's description.
"Pat ... I think ... maybe ... this isn't ..." As I looked up, I could see the look of concern on my husband's face.
Oh good, I thought to myself. He realizes our family isn't ready for this.
Too much work
"What kind of vacation is that?" He says with disgust. "Horse rides, biking, hiking. That's no vacation -- that's work!"
I laugh aloud. "What did you think you were going to do?"
He mumbled an incoherent response -- something about golf carts and swimming pools -- all the while shaking his head in disbelief.
Turns out, it didn't matter. Dome Mountain Ranch was booked, too.
So, "out West" is out for us this summer. Based on Pat's reaction to an out-West itinerary, our family may never cross the Mississippi.
So, where are we going for vacation this summer?
Mostly likely, "wherever the road leads us."
gwhite@vindy.com