KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox She's worried about family reaction to HIV

Dear Annie: My 20-year-old daughter, "Abby," recently discovered that she is infected with the HIV virus. It happened when she had a brief affair while separated from her now ex-husband, "Russ." She also ended up pregnant. Russ was immediately tested for the disease, but so far, the results are negative. Abby is involved with a wonderful support network and is doing well for the moment. No one else knows about her condition.
Abby is not sure if she should tell her brother about her illness. Does he have the right to know? When Abby becomes more seriously ill, how do I explain why I didn't tell him earlier? Should we tell the family now in case the baby turns out to be HIV-positive?
I know Abby's brother can keep his mouth shut, but his wife is another story. Abby is afraid they will never touch her baby if they know and might possibly stop seeing her altogether. What should I do? Ohio Mom
Dear Ohio: The only people Abby is obligated to inform are those with whom she has had intimate contact, and apparently, she has done that. She does not have to tell her brother at this time unless she wishes to enlist his emotional support -- although it sounds as if such support may not be forthcoming.
Abby can live a fairly healthy life for many years if she is conscientious about her medical care. If the baby is HIV-positive, it will be necessary to inform the family, since the infant will require special handling. Otherwise, allow your daughter to maintain as much of her privacy as she wishes.
Dear Annie: I work in an office with over 100 employees, and all smoking is done outside. One person smokes the most foul-smelling cigars, and the odor clings to his clothes and hair. If you are stuck in the elevator with him, you can become sick by the time you reach your floor. A conversation face-to-face is almost impossible without choking. I think you get the picture.
No one wants to offend this person, but enough is enough. After being in close proximity to him, I feel as though I have smoked a pack. How can we tell him about the problem without making it worse? Colorado Springs, Colo., Office Staff
Dear Office Staff: This man may not realize the full impact of his odor on others. You can either tell him, tactfully, that you can smell his strong cigars even when he is inside the office, or you can simply avoid him until his clothes have had a chance to air out a bit. If possible, put an air filter in your office, open some windows, ask about installing a fan, and do whatever else will help.
Dear Annie: Four days ago, we laid to rest my wonderful, vital mother-in-law. She was hit by a pickup truck while taking her regular three-mile walk and died instantly. We live nearby but didn't find out she was gone until 13 hours later. Why? Because Mom wasn't carrying any identification.
Please tell your readers how important it is to carry a small ID card with emergency numbers whenever they go out. They can even put medical information on the opposite side with their doctor's name and any medical condition. They can laminate the card, and keep it in a pocket or shoe. If they love their family, they shouldn't let them go through the anguish we did. C.E. in Redlands, Calif.
Dear C.E.: Thank you for allowing our readers to benefit from your sad experience. Everyone should carry some kind of identification on his or her person at all times. You never know when the unexpected will happen.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@tbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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