JOHN ROSEMOND | Parenting Bad behavior gets worse if ignored

Q. When I ask my 4-year-old, Lulu, to do something, she will do it, but not before she stomps, complains, talks under her breath, huffs and pouts, or all of the above.
Should I punish that behavior, or should I be grateful she obeys and let her vent?
A. You should be grateful Lulu obeys, but I think it's a bad idea to give free rein to her "venting."
The general rule: Bad behavior, ignored, worsens. There's a good chance your daughter's displays will escalate, however slowly, into belligerent disrespect, then defiance.
To prevent this, I recommend "three strikes, you're out."
The first time she vents, Lulu spends 15 minutes in a chair in a relatively isolated area.
Use a timer so you don't have to deal with the second most annoying question in the universe: "Can I come out now?" (The most annoying: "Are we there yet?")
The second vent of the day earns 30 minutes in the chair, and the third means she goes straight to her room for the rest of the day and goes to bed an hour early.
Assuming you're consistent, two weeks is all it should take to persuade Lulu to control her little outbursts.
Q. I am the mother of two boys: 6 months and 32 months.
The difficulty is with the latter. This well-mannered, easy-going, very loving child is having trouble at Mother's Morning Out. This is his second year.
Last year, he cried every day I dropped him off but would stop within 10 minutes.
This year, instead of my walking in, we use the carpool line so I don't have to get his brother out of his car seat.
When the supervising teacher tries to get him out of the car, he cries, falls onto the floorboard and struggles.
This morning, he growled at the teacher as she tried to unbuckle him.
Now I'm getting reports he has become defiant and disrespectful.
Yesterday, he began throwing things after the teacher reprimanded him.
She thinks he's insecure because there's a second child in the family, but he acts anything but insecure at home.
She's also thinking of doing a special reward system for him, which I think is a bad idea.
Do you have any suggestions?
A. I agree that this behavior has nothing to do with his younger brother's arrival.
This problem started before his brother was born and has simply escalated.
I agree that a special reward system is a bad idea.
When a child behaves badly, punishment is the answer.
Unfortunately, preschools cannot receive certain accreditations if they punish bad behavior.
The fact that this program is optional overrides all other considerations.
When a 2-year-old gets into a snit over attending an optional program and the resistant behavior is spiraling downward, I recommend taking him out.
It's not worth the battle, and besides, you may not be able to win.
Let several weeks go by and then find another program or a smaller, cooperative play group.
A change of venue may make all the difference.
XJohn Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th Street, Suite 26B, Indianapolis, Ind. 46240 and at his Web site: http://www.rosemond.com/.