KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox He feels guilty about one-time fling that he knows was a big mistake

Dear Annie: I am a 33-year-old man and have been happily married for seven years. My wife and I have two beautiful children whom I love dearly.
Three years ago, I had a one-time sexual experience with another man. I had been curious my whole life, but always managed to hold back those feelings. I have since had myself tested for HIV twice, and both results came back negative.
I feel terribly guilty about my little fling, and I never plan on doing it again. Tell me, Annie, do I need to tell my wife what happened? A part of me thinks it would be a relief if she knew, but I don't want to hurt her. I know she would not take the news well because of her religious and personal convictions.
It was a small consolation for me to realize from the experience that I am not gay. I have no desire to be with a man again. Of course, this is something I should have found out before marriage. I don't want to ruin our lives over one mistake. Please give me your advice, Annie. I need to know what to do. Totally Heterosexual in Wisconsin
Dear Heterosexual: If you were "curious" about other men your entire life, this little experience may not be over for you. While you apparently regret your sexual encounter and feel guilty, you may, in fact, be bisexual.
Your wife should not have to deal with the knowledge of your one-time fling, but it would hurt her much more to discover that you still have these feelings for other men. You owe it to her to understand yourself better. Please talk to a therapist who will help you sort out your conflicting emotions.
Dear Annie: My sister recently began working part time and needs someone to watch her daughter, "Sharlene," who is 5 months old. Sharlene cries a lot, and because she is breast-fed, she takes a bottle reluctantly.
I am a nurse and work 12-hour shifts three times a week. On my days off, I like to catch up on my housework and spend time with my husband and son. Every Sunday, my sister calls and asks when I can watch Sharlene. I love my sister and my niece, but I don't really want to baby-sit. I suggested putting Sharlene in day care, but my sister obviously prefers the free baby-sitting service she gets from me.
How can I tell her that I need my down time? Sister in Texas
Dear Sister: How can you tell her? You open your mouth and say, "Sis, I can't help you out any more with the baby-sitting. I'm exhausted. You need to make other arrangements for Sharlene." Your sister is taking advantage of you, and she knows it, even if you don't.
Dear Annie: You recently printed a method of conversation called "FORM," wherein people ask about Family, Occupation, Recreation and Motivation in order to start a conversation. Polite and sociable people will take issue with this method.
Please do not encourage your readers to inquire as to a stranger's occupation in a social setting. Even though "What do you do?" is a common way to start a conversation these days, it is rude. Likewise, one should hesitate to inquire as to the family and parents of a stranger. We do not enjoy being interrogated. Thank you. Let's Be Polite in Massachusetts
Dear Polite: No method of conversation should sound like an interrogation. However, there is nothing wrong with asking questions in order to discover someone's hobbies, interests or areas of expertise. If the questions become too personal, one should tactfully change the subject.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@tbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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