AN INTERVIEW WITH SANTA The skinny on the big man

Did you ever wonder if Santa Claus actually likes cookies, or if Tickle Me Elmo was as popular as it seemed? Those are the types of questions that run through reporter Ian Hill's mind every holiday season. For answers, Ian went straight to the world's greatest expert on Christmas: Santa Claus. Here is the text of Ian's recent discussion with Santa, who took time out of his busy schedule to sit for an interview at Southern Park Mall.
Q: How do you know who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Santa: I have a large, powerful telescope, and I can see everything.
Q: I know you must get many letters from children asking for toys. What else do you use to decide what you should give as gifts?
A: Well, I go around, probably the first part of November, and I go to Wal-Mart, I go to the stores, and I ask parents who are looking for toys.
Q: Do you go undercover?
A: No. They'll tell me what the things are. Then the paper comes out, and I know what the kids ask for. I look in the paper, The Vindicator, and they have the ads. Toys "R" Us will run a big thing near Christmas. And I go from there. Do you remember the year Elmo was popular? There wasn't a kid that hardly asked for Elmo. The parents blew it out of proportion.
Q: So Elmo wasn't that popular?
A: No, it wasn't that big at all.
Q: Do the elves make the toys?
A: Yep, the elves make the toys. The letters are all sent to the North Pole, and the elves go ahead and make the toys.
Q: It seems like you always have a good time on Christmas. How much of it is work?
A: It's a lot of work, sure. I've got to leave here, and I've got to go back to the North Pole, and I have to eat a big meal and I have to rest up. Then we have to go and make sure the reindeer are all ready. Then we get ready and we deliver the toys.
Q: How do you get to everybody's house in one night?
A: I'm fast. I'm ... almost like a rocket ship.
Q: How do you get into homes that don't have a chimney?
A: [Kids] will say, "I don't have a chimney." Well, you have a pipe on your roof. I go down the pipe. I hold onto the bag, and the bag brings me down and I get in the house. When I'm coming down, there's nothing in the bag. When I open the bag [when I get in the house] all the gifts are there, and I give them out. Back up the chimney I go.
Q: How do the reindeer fly?
A: Reindeer are magical.
Q: What are the reindeer like?
A: There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, and those are big reindeer. Rudolph, actually, I was delivering packages one Christmas Eve and I saw this light on in this house. This is the way Rudolph actually started. I got to this house and I looked in the window, and there's this reindeer with a shiny nose. And it was a foggy Christmas. So I asked Rudolph if he would guide my sleigh. Ever since then, Rudolph has guided my sleigh.
Q: You said you're fast. You're really able to get around the entire world in one night?
A: The entire world in one night. Kids say, "Well, I'm going to stay up and I'm going to wait for you." I go, "I won't come if you're awake." But I'm fast.
Q: Has anyone ever called the police because they think you're breaking into their house?
A: No.
Q: How do you manage to eat all the cookies and drink all the milk left for you by children?
A: I'm Santa Claus ... I can do anything.
Q: What do you eat besides cookies?
A: Kids leave me cheese. One little girl was going to leave me a beer one year. It's mostly cookies, the kind I like, chocolate chip. They leave me apples and leave stuff for the reindeer.
Q: What should children leave for the reindeer?
A: Carrots, always carrots.
Q: What do you do the rest of the year?
A: I rest up, and all the elves prepare for the jobs for Christmas. You ought to see where the North Pole is; you ought to see where I live. It's four or five times as big as this mall.
Q: Do you ever travel on vacation?
A: No, I just rest up. I rest up all year-round.
Q: Does Mrs. Claus get annoyed that you're out all night on Christmas Eve?
A: No. She's there to take care of me.