BREAST CANCER Support, love see survivors through

Initially, the women didn't want to tell their family or friends about their ordeal.
By WILLIAM K. ALCORN
VINDICATOR STAFF WRITER
YOUNGSTOWN -- The four women had breast cancer, but they smile, albeit sometimes through tears, and tell you it's OK.
It's OK to cry, to be afraid, to get angry, and to talk about it.
They're dealing with it, they say.
It's OK.
It wasn't always that way, however.
"I came home and planned my funeral. I maxed out two credit cards. I was convinced I was going to die," said Mona Bixler of her diagnosis with breast cancer in 1998.
"I thought I would never quit crying. At first, my husband would just get me a box of tissues and leave me alone," said Bixler, of Greenford.
"I shut down for about two weeks," said Regina Vaughn of Niles after she was diagnosed in 1993.
"My husband knew. He went with me to the doctor's office, but I couldn't tell anybody else. He told the rest of the family," she said.
Learning to cope: Different personalities handle the devastating news in different ways.
Linda Moll of Canfield went out dancing and drinking the day she was diagnosed in 1999.
"I was very angry. I refused to let cancer stop me. I won't even let it slow me down," she said.
"I was devastated. Then, I got angry," said Nancy Milliken, Columbiana County auditor. "My first thought was I had to get through the day. I had 17 people coming to a tax meeting that night, and I had to act like nothing was wrong. I got through it.
"I never cried -- I'm not an easy crier -- but I've certainly had my down moments, usually right after a chemo treatment when I don't feel good. But for the most part, I'm upbeat because of the support of family and friends," Milliken added.
Importance of support: The support of family and friends, the women say, is what got them through the early dark days and keeps them going. With that knowledge, they now provide support to others.
Another common theme is the difficulty of telling family members about the cancer.
"One of the hardest things was having to tell my husband," Milliken said. "I'd always felt very strong, but something had taken over my body. But, he just looked at me and said, 'We'll deal with it. We'll do what we have to do.'"
Moll, who was recently divorced when she was diagnosed, did not have a big local family support network because her family is spread around the country.
Friends and even strangers "came out of the woodwork" to help, however, though she said someone who hasn't had breast cancer really can't understand.
Soon after she was diagnosed, someone who did understand, from the American Cancer Society's Reach to Recovery program, visited her.
"You can't imagine how important it is ... just seeing somebody show up on the doorstep whose hair has come back," Moll said.
She said her life now is the best it has ever been. "I walked three miles every day and went dancing to keep my strength up through chemo and radiation treatments," she said.
"That's how I dealt with it. I haven't had the television on since I got cancer. I don't read the paper. What's important is reaching out and making a difference in people's lives. I'm satisfied I'm doing that. I have met so many brave, courageous women," she added.
Turning to the Internet: Bixler, a self-described loner, said some of her friends were uncomfortable around her after she was diagnosed and kind of quit coming around.
Her salvation, she said, was the Internet, where she found breast cancer survivors worldwide. It is somehow easier to talk on the Internet than in person, she said.
The women urged people to get past being uncomfortable with the disease and talk to and treat cancer victims the same way they did before the diagnosis.
Milliken said shortly after she had begun treatment that a stranger walked into her office and said: "I had cancer seven years ago, but I'm all right and you will be too."
"That was neat. It's nice once in a while to hear: 'You're doing great; you're going to be fine.'"
Bixler said, "Treat them [cancer victims] like they are alive until the day they die. Talk about whatever they want to discuss, including the disease and death if that's what they want."
Life-altering experience: For all, having cancer was life-altering as well as life-threatening.
Vaughn, who has had cancer three times, said before having the disease she was always too busy.
"Now, its friendship and love of family that are important ... watching a sunset. I learned I'm not in control, God is. So, I guess you have to be ready every day," she said.
Moll, the honoree at the ACS's black-tie Pink Ribbon Gala at Antone's Banquet Centre in Boardman on Saturday, experienced a renewed interest in religion. "I got my butt back to church," she said.
Vaughn said, "I want to help other women get through what I went through. I had a doctor tell me, you don't cure cancer, you fight it. They are always coming up with some new treatment. I say if you can just hang on long enough, maybe they'll come up with something for you."
alcorn@vindy.com