YOUNGSTOWN Assisted living is no reason for guilt, author assures

Families often feel such emotions when putting aging relatives in assisted living, the author says.
YOUNGSTOWN -- Carole Moore has seen up close the guilt adults feel when they place their aging parents in assisted-living residences.
"The children realize they have to do something when their parents stop eating properly and don't take their medicine correctly," said Moore, admissions director of Shepherd of the Valley, Warren, for the past 18 years. "But they feel they are doing something bad to their parents by putting them in assisted living even though it might be the best thing for them."
After realizing this issue was a national problem faced by many adults, Moore suggested to JoAnne McCliment, a free-lance writer and director of community relations for Shepherd of the Valley in Youngstown, to write an article that would help adults deal with this guilt.
Publication: McCliment's article, "Conquering Guilt: Residences Play a Role in Helping Families Move Past Feelings of Guilt When Placing Loved Ones in Long-Term Care," was published in this month's issue of Assisted Living Today magazine.
The article appeared seven months after McCliment received the idea.
"It didn't take me seven months to do the actual writing of the article," McCliment said. "I spent a lot of time researching which magazine had a niche for the story, and I finally decided on Assisted Living Today."
McCliment talked to the magazine's managing editor, and they discussed all the points that would fit in the story, she said.
Experiences: The article focuses on the story of a woman who put her mother in an assisted-living residence. The woman felt the guilt when her aging mother described how she took care of her sick mother and didn't send her away.
McCliment also incorporated into her article the experience of Sheryle Snow, director of marketing and admissions at Shepherd of the Valley in Poland.
Snow said the article will be helpful because it will educate families about the option of assisted living.
"Families have changed over the years, and it is harder for someone to care for their parent on a regular basis 24 hours a day," Snow said. "It's natural that the children will feel guilty, but I think if people are educated about assisted living and see that they aren't putting their parents in an 'old-folks home,' they'll realize it's better for everyone."
What facilities are: Assisted-living residences are not nursing homes, McCliment said. They are long-term care facilities at which the elderly live in separate apartments and have their meals provided, their apartments cleaned, their laundry done and their transportation provided.
"The decision for the children is tough because of the emotional aspects," McCliment said, "not because they are worried about the expense or location."
For the article, McCliment spoke with Jill Sniderman, director of Heritage Gardens, an assisted-living community for Jewish residents on Gypsy Lane in Youngstown.
Sniderman told her that Heritage staff help families overcome this guilt by allowing them to speak with some residents already living in the facility to show them the positive aspects.
Moore hopes the article will give some advice to adults who face this dilemma and make their decision easier.