To put up with being turned down

Sometimes, but not always, approaching whoever rejected you can smooth things over.
By VERONICA GORLEY
VINDICATOR STAFF WRITER
YOUNGSTOWN -- Rejection becomes a major issue to kids when they hit their preteens.
MaryAnn Carlson, a guidance counselor at Boardman High School, said talking about the issue is key.
"Sometimes kids keep things to themselves," Carlson said. "It takes much longer if they don't talk about it."
Carlson suggests that kids bothered by rejection talk to an adult who can help and friends for peer support.
Attitude shift: Alice Neuman, clinic director for Canfield Counseling Clinic, said teen-agers should re-examine the details of the situation and look at it differently.
"You cannot change what happened, but you can change your outlook on what happened," Neuman said.
Neuman said teens should maintain a balanced perspective. One rejection from a friend or group doesn't mean rejection from everyone.
In some situations, Neuman suggests, teens could approach the people who rejected them because they may have an incorrect perception of rejection. Someone could feel rejected only to discover a friend was merely too busy to call.
Neuman warns that this approach may not always go over well, and in some situations may actually make things worse.
"Sometimes kids can be very cruel," Neuman said.
As a result, approaching rejecters should be done selectively -- depending on the situation and the maturity of the people involved.
Carlson also suggests talking to the people who rejected them.
"Sometimes students aren't up to that, but it helps," Carlson said. "It helps to clear the air."
Talking about it: Not many students come to her with problems of rejection.
"They talk to their friends a lot, but some don't feel comfortable talking to an adult about it," Carlson said.
Sometimes she receives visits from girls who want to talk about breakups or jealousy of another girl or from students upset because they aren't accepted at their colleges of choice.
"They basically need help getting through that initial feeling of rejection," Carlson said.
Rejection may affect a student's self-esteem, but only temporarily, Carlson said.
"Teen-agers rebound rather quickly," she said. "Once they realize it's not life-threatening or the end of their world, they're able to rebound very quickly and get back to their regular activities."
"You're rejected at something throughout your life," Carlson continued. "If it's not one thing, it's another. It's a lifelong learning process. You learn how to deal with rejection at different levels along the way."