Decisions, decisions: Who's going where?

The holiday hassle for newlyweds will fade over time, an expert says.
By LAURA MEYN
VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT
I'm lucky. I have terrific in-laws who like me, or at least they do a darn good job of pretending to. But that doesn't mean the holidays are easy for me.
My parents and my in-laws live more than 2,000 miles apart.
As newlyweds, we tried spending Christmas with one and New Year's with the other, but so much traveling is expensive and stressful, and left me feeling dissatisfied with both short visits. There's no doubt that marriage has changed the holidays for me permanently.
Gone are the selfish days of thinking only about No. 1. I have new people -- and their expectations and feelings -- to consider.
And, perhaps, so do you. Those of you who have gotten married since last January, beware: The holidays can be overwhelming.
Double time: Have you ever eaten two Thanksgiving meals? Plenty of people do, and for peace at home, you just might loosen your belts and give it a go.
Have you ever made the rounds among so many people that the first person is complaining of your absence by the time you get to the last person on your list?
This was how my own parents spent their first Christmas as married folks, which is why I grew up with very quiet, peaceful Christmases at our house.
But I'm not here to tell evil in-law stories. (There are message boards for that and also for newlyweds at www.ivillage.com.)
Rather, I wanted to find out what it is about the holidays that can be so challenging for young couples, and how it might become easier. It turns out that deciding where to spend the holidays isn't the biggest decision for all newlyweds.
Sharing the holidays: Merry Wagner just got married in May; with both families living nearby, the new couple will see everyone at some point. But there might be one little compromise to make.
"Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, and I'm usually extremely generous with gift-giving," Merry says.
As the eldest, she has always enjoyed shopping for her younger siblings, and often buys very nice gifts for them. Her husband, Joe, is one of the youngest in his family, and his parents already have lots of grandkids. Instead of buying presents for one another, his parents and siblings focus on the children now.
Even though Merry and Joe come from similar backgrounds and share many holiday traditions, they do have different shopping budgets in mind.
"The fact that you need to consider a whole other family is the biggest adjustment, " Merry said.
Some of the difficulties of the holidays are self-imposed.
Making rounds: Kristin and Greg Morgione are just celebrating their second wedding anniversary. They live within a few blocks of both sides of the family, so seeing everyone isn't a problem for them, either. And although Kristin admits that it can be overwhelming, she says that she and Greg aren't ready to abandon their attempts to do it all on Christmas day.
They make about four stops, and they alternate whom they eat Christmas dinner with each year.
"It's wonderful to have your family around for the holidays," she said. Kristin and Greg do have their own tradition that affords them some quiet time together before all of that running around starts, however.
"Our time is Christmas Eve," Kristin said, describing their evening as including church, dinner at home, and then a chance to privately exchange the gifts they chose for each other.
"I love the holidays," she said. "I was born on Christmas, so it's always a very special time." It's sure to be even more special this year (and perhaps more demanding, too), as the Morgiones just had their first baby, a boy, early this month.
Whether it's deciding whom to spend the holidays with, how much to spend on presents or the simple fact that you want to (but can't always) do it all, the holidays can be a trying time, particularly for newlyweds as their new roles are put to the test.
But every effort is worth it, and according to Dr. Arlene Brewster, an area psychologist, "This stuff starts to take care of itself with time."