Beliefs focus on God, family, honor, peace and women

By MARALINE KUBIK
VINDICATOR STAFF WRITER
Terrorists, honor killings, arranged marriages, burqas and holy wars. The terms have come to be associated with Islam, a religion that practitioners say promotes peace and honors women.
It is one of the fastest-growing, but perhaps most misunderstood religions in America.
Islamic lifestyles, local Muslims say, focus on God and family.
"There's nothing exotic about Islamic life," said Dilu Dinani of Liberty. "It's just regular living. We want to do the best for our families, want our children to do well in school, and we want to teach them good morals."
Dinani was born in Tanzania, went to school in England and emigrated to the United States in 1982.
His wife, Zainab Dinani, was born in Uganda, studied in England and followed her husband to the United States in 1983. They have a daughter studying special education at Youngstown State University and a son in his senior year at Liberty High School. Dilu's mother also lives with them.
Way of life: Islam is a way of everyday life, not something that is practiced during once-a-week worship services, Zainab said. The couple and their children pray five times a day as prescribed in the Koran.
Although Zainab said it is recommended that families pray together, busy schedules prevent that most days. Their schedules also prevent them from saying every prayer on time.
Zainab works part time in an ophthalmologist's office; Dilu operates three hotels, including Best Western Downtown Motor Inn, Warren.
They don't eat pork or drink alcohol and they shop at a Mediterranean store where the meat is from animals slaughtered according to Islamic custom, by cutting the throat and draining the blood, so as not to cause any pain. Only those are considered clean enough for human consumption.
Although Muslim women are expected to conceal their beauty, including their hair, from everyone but their families, Zainab, like many American Muslims, chooses to go uncovered.
"I cover when I pray or go to the mosque," she said. "It's my choice. It's still required, but that's between me and God."
"Islam elevated woman's position," her husband said. "It gives a lot of respect to women and gives them the right to make their own decisions."
"He can't force me to wear a head cover," Zainab said.
"I can leave her, but I can't force her to cover," Dilu said, joking.
Respect to women: In the mosque, men and women are segregated, with men in front and women in the back. This is also out of respect for women, Zainab said.
Staying behind the men prevents men from watching the women as they prostrate themselves in prayer. Although Islam warns men to guard their gaze, keeping women in the rear prevents even unintentional gazes that could be considered lustful.
Both men and women are required to dress conservatively, Zainab continued. The manner of dress rather than the style is what matters.
Burqas, the head-to-toe robes with screens over the eyes that Afghan women were forced to wear, are not mandated by the Koran. Anything that is not revealing is acceptable, she said.
"When I was in college in the 1970s, I wore bell bottoms," interjected Yasmin Rashid of Liberty. Of course, she noted, her native Pakistan is a moderate country. What Muslim women wear varies greatly from country to country.
Women also have the right to choose their own husbands although arranged marriages are common in many Muslim families.
Arranging marriages is not a religious practice, it is more cultural, Rashid said. The Koran says everyone has the right to choose his or her own partner.
Rashid and her husband had what she calls "a semi-arranged marriage." He is also from Pakistan. The couple moved to the United States 24 years ago.
In a semi-arranged marriage the couple doesn't date, but gets to know one another by visiting and talking on the phone under the supervision of their parents, Rashid explained.
How it's done: Parents introduce their children to a boy or girl who they think is acceptable. "Parents take responsibility because they have more experience. You get wisdom with age," she reasoned.
At first, Rashid was hesitant about marrying her husband. "He fell in love with me and wanted to marry me. After talking to my mother -- she said, 'He's such a good guy and he loves you' -- I decided I would marry him. I fell in love with him after we got married."
After couples are married, their parents continue to take an active role, helping to iron out problems. Parents feel that they are responsible for helping to make their children's marriages work because they matched them up.
Rashid said she found her parents' intervention "very helpful. Kids on their own can't make the best decisions always."
In the United States parents introduce their children to potential mates, ask for referrals from friends or sometimes the kids find someone themselves, she said.
No matter how suitable parents may find a prospective mate for their son or daughter, Rashid stressed, "the kids always have the final say, even in Pakistan."
If the children are minors, parents may choose a mate for them, she said, but once the children come of age, they may reject that spouse.
Honor killings, reported to happen when an individual disgraces the family, are not sanctioned by the Koran.
"That is a gross misinterpretation many people have about Islam," said Dawud Abdullah, a religious leader at the Youngstown Islamic Center.
Honor killings have been reported in some countries when a daughter refuses to marry the man her family has chosen. They have also been reported after a rape.
Even if a woman is raped, in some countries such attacks are considered a disgrace to the woman and her family. To restore family honor, the offending member is murdered by her own relatives.
It's sinful: In Islam, Abdullah stressed, murder and suicide are sins. Terrorists who claim suicide attacks are committed in the name of God or to make the world safe for Islam are misrepresenting the Koran, he said.
"The biggest enemy of Islam is Osama bin Laden," added Dilu Dinani. These terrorists may wage a jihad, or holy war, contending its purpose is to make the world safe for Islam, Dinani said, but much of what they do is the opposite of what Islam prescribes.
For example, he said, Muslims believe that their souls will not go to heaven if they commit suicide. Terrorists, on the other hand, apparently believe that committing suicide attacks will garner them special honor.
Despite the widespread misinformation about Islam, both the Dinani and Rashid families have found Youngstown to be accepting of their religion and cultures.
"People are eager to learn," Zainab Dinani said. Once friends and co-workers understand Islamic practices, they are respectful and considerate.
While she was fasting, during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan, co-workers were careful not to discuss food or eat their lunches in front of her, Zainab said.
The same was true for her children all through school. Teachers would allow them to sit in a staff room rather than the cafeteria during lunch and "all the kids were nice to them."
A day or two before the id, the celebration marking the end of Ramadan, Dinani's children would make presentations to their classes, explaining the holiday and how it would be celebrated. She'd also send treats to school -- cupcakes, candy or samosas, a crisp, spicy Indian turnover.
On Halloween, she said, her children "were the hit of the day" in their ethnic costumes. Like other American families, the Dinanis celebrate Thanksgiving with turkey and all the trimmings. When their children were young, they celebrated Christmas, too.
Other traditions: The Dinanis have also celebrated Hindu holidays with some of their Hindu friends. There may be political rifts between Muslims and Hindus in India and Pakistan, but in the United States, these groups are united by cultural similarities, the Dinanis explained.
Cultural traditions change with generations, Rashid added. "My children respect my culture, but they were born here, so they are American. They come to our functions, but sometimes they are reluctant to participate."
Living arrangements may also change with the younger generation. In traditional homes, Rashid continued, parents, grandparents and children all live together. It works well because grandparents care for children while parents work, and children help care for elderly grandparents.
"I don't know how our children are going to deal with this," she said. In America, children often move away to pursue their careers.