One Last Time


« Brain food from the heartland

by Louie b. Free   | 349 entries


My last blog, I wrote about my friend who passed. I was going to see him on Sunday, ‘it got late’, so i went on Monday, to learn that he passed on Sunday. Had I gone, would I have been able to talk with him? Would he have been able to hear me or know I was there? I’ll never know. What I’ve been thinking about, if we could see someone we cared about ONE LAST TIME, what would we say? What would I say to him if given one more chance, one more time? What would I say to my dad, 25 years after his death? I’ve been very openly critical of my mother and father’s ‘parenting styles’ (oh, i just love using these: ‘’’’’’’’’’) well, come on, you certainly must know that I’m not the result of ‘functional parenting’ (ah, there they ‘ ‘ are again!). Of course I miss them Especially around certain times, like Pesach/Passover. Passover was always one time of the year, when I was growing up, that I knew my dad would be happy, in a good mood, most of the time. I remember him sitting with pride at the Seder table. My mom had cooked her tuchas off for days, and, my father would grate horseradish root outside, then mix it with vinegar, and, whatever. As a kid, ok, as an adult, too, I’d love taking the lid off of the beautiful, green, very old, horseradish ‘holder’ and inhale...producing,tears and a dare say, my first high!

I have wonderful memories of his sister coming from New Mexico and spending Seder with us after her husband passed. So, for 8 days every spring, he was in a good mood.

I’ve also said that my parents liked my wife much more than they liked me, yeah, i know, harsh, but, true. Bun pushed me to ask my dad if he loved me, I’m so grateful that she did, as i finally heard it when he was 70. My dad love her vegan matzo balls and chopped ‘not’-liver’.

So, what would i say to him, 25 years after his death? Well, I’ll roll that around in my head,for further review.

What’s important is that we don’t wait till it’s too late to tell those in our life, those who are ALIVE, with us NOW, how we feel about them ...tomorrow may be too late. Not just for them, but for you!

One of my more frequent ‘old-manisms’ : Try to live your life as regret-free as possible, as regret will eat you alive!

As I write this, I just learned of another old friend’s passing. We both were runners back ‘in the day’. He was really smart and I learned so much from him. He moved away many years ago, but we stayed in touch..a bit. He called me last year to tell me that his cancer was back and opted for hospice. Having had experience w/ some incredible hospice providers, I knew what that meant. (“... hospice care is that which can be provided to patients with a life expectancy of six months or less. Rather than seeking a cure, hospice care aims to make their remaining time with us as comfortable and as meaningful as possible…”)

I was able to express myself to my old friend, albeit via phone, how grateful I was having know him, yet, I still wish there was one more time. Maybe that’s my cross, well, in my case, star to bare (thanks Tom Wills, i was obsessing whether it’s bear or bare..).

So, wait not till tomorrow to tell those how you feel about them, today’s the day...for tomorrow may be too late...

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