Saturday, December 26, 2015
By LINDA M. LINONIS
MINERAL RIDGE
For some, the sights and sounds of Christmas only emphasize what they have lost, or never have had.
What should be a time of joy may be one of sadness because of loss of a loved one, ill health, isolation, broken relationships and insecurity in employment.
Valley churches have addressed these different kinds of pain in Blue Christmas services.
Pastor Jamie Milton of First Presbyterian Church of Mineral Ridge conducted a service Dec. 20 for a small gathering. It is the fourth service of its kind at the church. “It’s a service of Scripture and reflection,” he said. “It’s to offer people a space to feel sadness and grief in the midst of this season,” he said. He added the service is for those who have experienced a recent death in the family or one of years ago, whose loss is still felt. Any kind of loss may evoke sadness and memories of what was.
“It’s OK not to feel happy all the time ... it’s all right to sit with your sadness,” he said. But, he added, “The service also is to remind people of the goodness of Christmas and the hope it brings.”
Pastor Milton said he uses Scripture passages that he often selects for funerals because of the gist of the message of hope.
Just by having the service, the pastor said, the church is acknowledging that not everyone is happy during the Christmas season. The service is meant “to convey the hope of the season.”
Pastor Milton said the service included the lighting of candles in the Advent wreath. The candles may represent sentiments of joy, peace, love and hope but are “reinterpreted” for the Blue Christmas service. He said candles represent “remembrance of those loved and lost, remembrance of the pain of loss, remembrance of ourselves and remembrance of our faith.”
“We must remember that Christ is with us in happy and sad times,” he emphasized.
Afternoon and evening Blue Christmas services were Monday at Kinsman United Methodist Church and led by the Rev. Patricia Christ of Kinsman UMC, the Rev. Sue Francis of Kinsman Presbyterian Church and the Rev. Howard Darr of Kinsman Chapel of the Christian and Missionary Alliance.
“Loss of any kind is felt at Christmas,” Pastor Christ said. “A death ... an estrangement in the family ... it seems to hurt more,” she said. “All the losses – health, family, job – may be reasons for feeling blue.”
She said the ministers hoped to convey to the participants, who numbered about 20 all together, that “it’s OK to feel this way” and feel what you feel.
Pastor Christ said the clergy urged participants to remember “that there is hope – Christ is born and that changed the world.”
“Our world is tipped with a loss,” she said, “and we feel unsure. People have to give themselves time to feel sure again and accept the new normal.”
The pastor said the services “offered a quiet space during a busy time of year.”
The Rev. David Joachim, pastor of Westminster Presbyterian Church in Boardman, said the congregation will have “remembrance readings” during services Sunday at 8:15 a.m. in the chapel and 10:30 a.m. in the sanctuary. The service remembers those who died this year. “I believe it helps give people closure,” he said. “People acknowledge the death and light a candle.” He added then others, who have experienced a previous loss, may do the same.
“I hope it brings closure to start the new year,” Pastor Joachim said.
The minister also noted that realizing others feel loss and pain helps make them feel less lonely in their grief.
Amy Kness, Westminster Christian education director, offered “Handling the Holidays” on Sunday with a DVD on grief and hope. She said the DVD gave practical ideas to develop a plan to face the holidays. It was called the “Grievers’ Holiday Bill of Rights,” she said.
Kness said those grieving the loss of a loved one are allowed “to change direction in midstream.” A person, she said, might get ready to attend a holiday event then “feel grief and be suddenly overwhelmed.” That’s OK, she said.
It’s also OK to “do things differently,” she said. This might be “sending fewer or no holiday cards,” Kness said.
She noted some people look at an empty chair once occupied by a loved one and feel grief.
A suggestion, possibly for Thanksgiving, is to put a ceramic pumpkin in the center of the table and have everyone write down a memory or attribute of loved one. Memories may be read at dessert or after the gathering. For Christmas, the same idea could use a stocking.
“People also have a right to have fun if they want to,” Kness said, noting people’s opinions don’t matter. “Laughter is as healing as tears are,” Kness said.
“Laughter can bring us out of our sadness ... laughter is a saving grace.”
Kness said those grieving don’t have to “be happy for the benefit of others.”
She added that participants in such programs see “they are not alone and others have similar feelings.” Kness speaks from experience; her 20-year-son, Stephen, died in September 2008. She said Wesminster has a Halo Tree for ornaments to remember loved ones.
Kness presented Bible passages to offer comfort including “Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly.” – Psalm 31:9; “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. – Matthew 5:4; and “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” – Revelations 21:4