Sunday, November 7, 2010
By Kathy MitchelL and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: My husband and I are beside ourselves with worry. Our daughter is a beautiful, sweet girl with a good job, and she has always been very responsible and level-headed. Her husband is handsome, outgoing and smooth, but we fear he is a total sociopath.
In their first year of marriage, he not only cheated on her, but he spent all the money in their wedding account without her knowledge. He’s opened up fraudulent credit-card accounts in her name and ruined her credit. He has persuaded her to lease expensive cars and finance his wheeler-dealer lifestyle. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. Now we’ve discovered she is pregnant. We will love this grandchild, but the thought of her carrying his baby makes us physically ill. Please help.
Southern Mom and Dad
Dear Mom and Dad: Has your daughter said anything about her husband that indicates she is afraid of him or understands that she is being mistreated? Ask her what she loves about him and how his behavior translates to fatherhood. Ultimately, you cannot change the situation if she is unwilling. But it is important that she knows you are a source of support if she ever needs you.
Dear Annie: My neighbors are kind, caring and amazingly nosy. I recently began working from home to take care of my partner. I’m grateful that my company allows me to do this. But these well-intentioned neighbors just won’t believe I am employed. They insist that since I am at home all day, I am simply too proud to admit I lost my job. Every time we meet, they ask, “So, you still looking for work?”
This is getting on my nerves. I’ve tried ignoring their questions, excusing myself quickly or answering, “I’m just fine, thanks,” but nothing makes a dent. These neighborly conversations too often turn into well-intentioned lectures. Is there a way I can tell them to MYOB?
Sarasota, Fla.
Dear Sarasota: Perhaps these neighbors are unaware that people can work from home and still get paid. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” which only gives them the impression that you are scraping by, say, “I have a job, thank you. I work for Such-and-Such Company and am fortunate enough to be able to do it from home. I appreciate your concern, but things are going very well.”
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Headed for the Poorhouse in San Pedro,” whose husband sends money and care packages to a fellow inmate he met in prison.
I am a female clinical social worker who has worked with couples in similar situations. Yes, this fellow prisoner could have protected her husband and so he feels indebted. Or her husband could be “on the down low” or might have been raped.
I hope in addition to saving money and having a safety plan for when this buddy is released, she and her husband seek counseling.
Social Worker
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