Monday, June 14, 2010
By Kathy Mitchell and MarcY Sugar
Dear Annie: Is sex over in your 50s? My husband started sleeping on the couch 10 years ago because he claimed I snored. I had surgery that was supposed to alleviate it, but since we still don’t sleep together, I’m not sure whether that was the real problem and, if so, whether I’m cured.
We get together occasionally for sex, but the last time was three months ago.
We have talked about it, and he promises to do better. He said he would see the doctor, but hasn’t.
I know he cares for me, but it feels like I am living with my brother. Should I just accept how things are, or should I give him an ultimatum? Any advice?
Married and Alone
Dear Alone: We don’t recommend an ultimatum unless you are willing to follow through with the threat. While there are myriad possible explanations for your husband’s lack of interest, the most likely is that he has low testosterone levels. Insist he see his doctor. If necessary, offer to make the appointment for him, and alert the doctor to your concerns in advance.
Dear Annie: I have been with “Paul” for the past 10 years, and we have three kids. We never married.
Paul was once abusive both emotionally and physically. He got better when our first child was born six years ago. I will always care about Paul, but I don’t love him anymore. He knows this because I’ve told him.
The problem is, Paul will not leave the house. I have been seeing another man for the past seven months, but we haven’t been intimate because of Paul. So would it be wrong if I started having sex with my boyfriend while Paul is still in the house?
Tired of Being Held Back
Dear Tired: Even though you never married, you and Paul may have a legally binding common-law marriage. Unless you want to continue sharing a home with him, one of you needs to leave. Talk to an attorney about how to disentangle the finances and home ownership, and have a custody and visitation agreement in place for the sake of your children, who need both their parents. Please take care of this before you start having sex with another man in the same house as your children’s father.
Dear Annie: This is for “Terrified and Confused in Canada,” who wanted to take a break from her boyfriend of three years, but worried about losing him forever.
Three years ago, I went through a heart-wrenching breakup with my long-time boyfriend, “Zane.” We loved each other, but were having a lot of problems that weren’t getting resolved. Two years later, we started talking again and worked through our old problems. We are now living together and talking about marriage.
Taking a break did wonders for our relationship.
Head Over Heels in Minnesota
Dear Minnesota: You and Zane were wise to understand that you needed the perspective a break offered.
E-mail your questions to email@example.com or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.